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Matthew Laidlow

Kerry Katona: Officially Poorer Than You!

by Matthew Laidlow

Big questions have been asked by us humans – over thousands of years, we’ve all wondered “where do we come from?” “what is the meaning of life?” and “where is the bloody remote control?” Another mind bending puzzle is the one set by Iceland – not the country, but the supermarket. They ask us “why [...]

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Janet Jackson Launches Own Line Of Wardrobe Malfunctioning Lingerie

by Matthew Laidlow

The name Jackson has shifted meanings quite dramatically over the last few decades. In the seventies you’d know the Jacksons as that annoying bunch of kids whose songs were more infectious then the Ebola virus, while the eighties and early nineties saw Michael Jackson pull away and gain success on his own. Sadly MJ knackered [...]

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Britney Spears Captured Singing Worse Than A Drowning Kitten

by Matthew Laidlow

Now we know that sometimes popstars and reality star bumpkins can be easy targets for mockery, scrutiny and cheap laughs. That can be said for the first 15 episodes of X-Factor as we all wonder why a fat lass from Wigan who sounds like she’s singing through her nostril thinks she can win. Some people, [...]

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Myspace Trawl – Telepopmusik

by Matthew Laidlow

For some reason, the UK has taken it upon themselves to hate every other nation in the world. Mostly through headlines on grubby downmarket tabloids, we are always reminded to hate the Germans because of the war and the Scottish due to an old butchering rivalry, with the other country that deluded working class white [...]

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TV Review – The Perfect Vagina

by Matthew Laidlow

Love tunnel, fanny, pleasure hole, hairy pie: these are all names for the female-only body part known as the vagina. Now, we’re all aware that some ladies like to sculpt their tits into enormous coconuts for the delight of perverts everywhere. We can accept that. Sometimes we may even like that. Though mostly it does [...]

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Jade Goody Set To Annoy The Entire Indian Nation, Again

by Matthew Laidlow

Jade Goody – a creation of Lord God when he was either experimenting too much, or was drunk. Really, that is the only conclusion we can draw when trying to analyse and work out this woman. Previously confined to one of London’s many gutter suburbs, her shrieking ways were projected to a far greater audience [...]

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Myspace Trawl – Kunt And The Gang

by Matthew Laidlow

As we probably used to mention ages ago when this feature was just a small child struggling to find its feet, we like to cover all sorts of music. Most of the time it will be quite accessible, but then we may crank it up a notch to leave you with a horrible taste in [...]

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Song Review: Keane – Spiralling

by Matthew Laidlow

“Song review? Don’t you mean CD review, morons?” For once we decided not to leave ourselves open for getting something wrong and remembered that you can’t physically get hold of this new tune from the UK’s worst drug-taking band, Keane. Unless you’re one of those posh industry types, this song is unavailable to buy on [...]

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Kenn Dodd and Our Mates Medusa Get High Together

by Matthew Laidlow

Unless you need a slap, you’ll be firmly aware that Medusa “dick on the Towers of London.” Ever since we found this bunch of rock ‘n’ rollers hiding in the shadowy corners of Myspace on one of our trawls, we have been firm fans. Nowadays it appears that you can get a one way ticket [...]

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Amy Winehouse Wants to Solve Your Problems on the Radio

by Matthew Laidlow

You read that right – Amy Winehouse wants to solve your problems on the radio. Even we don’t have to go in to much detail about the potential arse-up that this could bring to the innocent people of London. Granted, there are a few cockney people like the So Solid Crew and Danny Dyer who [...]

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