What is the point of Adam Sandler? Sure, there was a time when his mongrel-like face, annoying laugh and humour as subtle as getting diarrhoea in a library was kind-of-okay and sorta charming, but now he’s officially gone too far.
That manchild routine may have been acceptable in the ’90s, but it’s 2011 and mass audiences will not put up with his crap anymore.
OK that’s a lie; his films always gross an obscene amount of money which convince people to finance his future films and leave those with any sort of taste weeping in the corner while trying to understand why the world is such a depressing place.
Read More >>>
Oh no! Here comes another Hollywood hack remaking a classic that doesn’t need to be made. Whatever happened to the original stories that used to litter our cinemas? John Wayne must be rolling in his grave blah blah blah…etc etc.
If this is the dim view you take on The Coen Brothers’ adaptation of Charles Portis’ 1968 novel of the same name, congratulations, you are an idiot. And not just any idiot, the kind of idiot who’s looking forward to Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and that’s some thundering idiothole.
Anyway, True Grit stars 14 year old Hailee Steinfeld as Mattie Ross on a mission to hunt, find and kill Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), the man who double crossed her father before kicking him off. Her mother is crippled by grief and the burden of looking after her young children so the wheelings and dealings are left to the scarily headstrong and efficient Mattie. She enquires about who can help her track down the elusive Chaney and chooses the gruff, drunken, awesomely named and not at all hygienic Rooster Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) from a short list.
Read More >>>
Does anybody still watch America’s Next Top Model? No? Fine, whatevs. Unbelievably there was a time when watching 12 underweight, malnourished and grossly over-confident girls harp on about who “wants it” more was compulsive viewing.
Well, compulsive viewing for people with too much time on their hands that is. Normal people would find it more entertaining and fulfilling to throw some tramps under Waterloo bridge a few crusts of bread and watch them wrestle for it.
Alas, ANTM is just as embarrassingly addictive and chock full’o pricks as X-Factor and The Apprentice but if you thought Simon Cowell and Lord Suralan were obsessed with making their respective shows all about them, you’ve clearly never encountered the narcissistic world of Tyra “MEMEMEMEMEMEME” Banks. Read More >>>
What were you doing when you were nine years old? Playing with Lego? Revising for a GCSE? Picking your nose and eating it?
If any of those suggestions bring back horrible memories of what you got up to before discovering masturbation, congratulations, you are normal. Well, sort of normal. You’re normal when compared to the insanely over-confident children that are only bred in Hollywood but rest assured, you’re still pretty weird.
We’re trudging up your horrible childhood because once again, Will and Jada Smith have decided to roll out one of their spawn into the cruel world of entertainment thus setting up their entire future of being told how shit they are. We’re already quite used to Jaden Smith, who at the age of 12 has already racked up a few successful movie roles and co-starred in a Justin Bieber video. Ooooh, get him! Very successful and not even a teenager as the rest of us try to make a dinner out of the scraps left in the cupboard whilst using our now useless degree certificate as a plate.
Read More >>>
Ladies and gentleman, the moment we’ve all been waiting for has arrived.
David and Victoria Beckham have put their seven bedroom Hertfordshire estate on the market and are finally packing up shop and moving to America full time. HAHAHAHAHA AMERICA! They’re your problem now.
Unbelievably the two-headed, barely one brained, self-promoting, outfit-matching monster have been terrorising our poor nation for 13 years. 13 bloody years. To put things into perspective, when these two all-encompassing nobheads met in the Manchester United players’ lounge in 1997, Tony Blair was popular, the UK won the Eurovision Song Contest and Lindsay Lohan was actually a respected actress. No really. What a crazy old world, eh?
Read More >>>
Here at hecklerspray we’d be the first to admit that we aren’t the gentlest of souls.
Most news is greeted with a giggle and sarcastic comment littered with enough arbitrary meanness to book a first class seat on a train ride straight to hell. We can’t help it, it’s who we are. But it’d take a really cold hearted so and so to take anything positive out of this.
Michael Douglas hasn’t had the best of times recently. Cameron, his eldest child from his first marriage, was sentenced to five years in prison for possessing heroin and dealing methamphetamine and cocaine out of a New York hotel room. Douglas later said he was thrilled that his son was locked up which, to be honest, is a weird reaction to have but he did say he was a bad father and is responsible for Cameron having more drugs flowing through his veins than Pete Doherty‘s gums and Amy Winehouse‘s beehive combined. That’s a lot of drugs.
Read More >>>
Sofia Vergara is not a name many on this side of the pond are familiar with.
Actually, most on the other side of the pond aren’t sure either but that hasn’t stopped her having a dig at a few of the walking wax figures around Hollywood. Vergara is known to most as the resident MILF in the surprisingly good sitcom Modern Family, and thanks to her wise decision to have a child as a teenager and regain her figure easily, she’s also pretty hot. Like stupidly hot. Imagine a Latino version of Christina Hendricks with an equally momentous pair of bosoms and you’re in the right area.
Thanks to her new sex symbol status, mind-numbingly obvious questions about the Hollywood standard of beauty are being hurled at her by male journalists who would probably rather being motorboating for their life instead of asking questions and shit.
Read More >>>
Ask any shameless wannabe celebrity why they want to be famous and the answer will usually consist of money, free clothes and numerous sexual favours from women who look like they need a good rinse in Dettol.
So it comes as a great surprise to us that Michael Cera, the adorable/annoying little Canadian poppet with a face like something out of Button Moon, turned down a blowjob from a proper living, human woman.
Read More >>>
