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Josh Burt

The Greatest Living Lesbians

by Josh Burt

All of a sudden everyone’s bisexual, everyone. The Big Brother people, Megan Fox, the one from Black Eyed Peas – everyone. Unfortunately, we’re not impressed one jot, because, frankly, being bisexual is a doddle. The ones we really look up to are the lesbians. And to prove it, here’s a list of the greatest lesbians [...]

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Is This The GREATEST Big Brother House Of All Time?

by Josh Burt

In just a couple of hours, around thirty waving lunatics are going to be pelvic-thrusting their way into the Big Brother house. We are going absolutely bananas with anticipation. Who will these people be? Will they be as pretty as the Northern lass from last year who immediately announced that she would never show another [...]

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Is This The Greatest GIRLBAND Ever?

by Josh Burt

Only last week we discussed at some length who would make it into the greatest boyband ever. It turned out to be the most startling line up imaginable, but also a bit sexist. Where were the girls? They were nowhere to be seen. So, with that in mind we thought it best to compile the [...]

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Could THIS Be The Greatest Ever Boyband?

by Josh Burt

Not a minute goes by when someone doesn’t throw themselves out of a window and onto a concrete pavement because they just failed an audition to be in the next great boyband. As they hurtle towards a very sudden, and very bloody, death, names of the greatest performers flash through their embittered and mutilated minds. [...]

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Peter Andre Joins Elite Celebrity Group…

by Josh Burt

It was a great day for romantics when Peter Andre managed to croon his way into Jordan’s sleeping bag out there in the Australian jungle. She was playing impossible-to-get, he was making up songs called Lady, Please, Just Let Me Touch Them, and singing them directly to her without once breaking eye contact. Their eventual marriage came [...]

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The Most Magnificent Celebrity Makeovers

by Josh Burt

Ever since Plain Jane the Superbrain took off her glasses, smeared some slutty red lipstick around her mouth, and rubbed ice cubes on her stupid nipples, the celebrity makeover has been a must for anyone hoping to increase their fame. For those unaware, the whole Plain Jane thing happened in the Australian drama serial, Neighbours. [...]

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The Top Five Celebrity Lazaruses

by Josh Burt

For those of you who were too busy smoking to read The Bible, Lazarus was a bearded taxman who choked on a pound coin and dropped dead in the kitchen, only to be brought back to life moments later by a passing hippy called Jesus Christ Superstar.

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Top 8 Bonkers Celebrities

by Josh Burt

Next time someone tells you that they’re a ‘little bit mad’, don’t greet the news with a cheerful honk and a quip about how you can be “bonkers” yourself sometimes. Call the cops, have them sectioned. It might seem harsh, but remember – there’s just one mood swing between a hilarious farting noise when you [...]

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The Greatest Sequels Ever!

by Josh Burt

Most of the time it’s boring talking about sequels, mainly because everyone just grows a big beard and starts talking in long words about The Godfather Part Two or those awful French films about the big fat man and a well in the garden.

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Things That You Must Like, Including The Wire…

by Josh Burt

Look at you. Are those plimsolls? Actual plimsolls? Are they ironic plimsolls? Or just normal plimsolls? Are you poor? Or just pretending? Think before you answer, because should they be anything but ironic, and society – cool society, where people like Pixie Geldof and Henry Holland live – will turn its back on you. It’s a [...]

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