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Josh Burt

The Greatest Live Acts Of ALL TIME!

by Josh Burt

Some of you will have gone to V this year, or Reading. Or the Glastonbury one. A few of you might even have been to all of them. You probably had a great time. After all, what’s not to love?

You got those middle management guys staring into the middle distance nonchalantly twirling fire on a rope as if that suddenly makes them at one with the earth. You’ve got loud HR workers chewing their own mouths off in the dance tent. You might even have found yourself in the reggae area, desperately attempting to hold down a gush of puke having mixed a brewski with a marijuana joint. Festival season – it’s just brilliant.

But before you pull your dreads apart and return to civilisation with tales of how great Blur were, or how Dizzy Rascal is totally blowing your mind right now, take a deep breath and scroll through our top five list of the greatest live performers ever. Prepare to be amazed…

Some of you will have gone to V this year, or Reading. Or the Glastonbury one. A few of you might even have been to all of them. You probably had a great time. After all, what's not to love? You got those middle management guys staring into the middle distance nonchalantly twirling fire on a rope as if that suddenly makes them at one with the earth. You've got loud HR workers chewing their own mouths off in the dance tent. You might even have found yourself in the reggae area, desperately attempting to hold down a gush of puke having mixed a brewski with a marijuana joint. Festival season - it's just brilliant. But before you pull your dreads apart and return to civilisation with tales of how great Blur were, or how Dizzy Rascal is totally blowing your mind right now, take a deep breath and scroll through our top five list of the greatest live performers ever. Prepare to be amazed...
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Hey Look, It’s The Strictly Come Dancers!

by Josh Burt

While Simon Cowell prepares to spend the late Summer/Early Autumn explaining to people with special needs that while they might be special, it’s not the good singing special that he’s after, the Strictly Come Dancing judges have already vetted their contestants, fishing instead from the very deep waters of minor celebrity. Allow us to introduce [...]

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Five Stars Robbed Of The X Factor!

by Josh Burt

And so another year rolls around, and thousands of orphans will be performing song-and-dance routines, begging you not to turn your back on them, like everyone else they ever gave a damn about has. Early reports suggest that a quartet of hookers could be the next Pussycat Dolls, but no doubt they will be usurped [...]

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Look, Some Beautiful Old Women!

by Josh Burt

Celebrities are rebels, we don’t need to tell you that. You’ve seen them, with their breast augmentations and their drugs parties – sticking two fingers up at convention. We’re used to their madness. Or, at least, we were used to their madness. This summer has unleashed a whole new crop of famous rebels, collectively known [...]

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The Most TERRIFYING Fantasy Rock Band EVER!

by Josh Burt

Man, rock stars are petrifying, with their tight leather trousers, their big greasy hair styles, and their hungry, sexual tongues. Oh, and they like drugs too. Like them so damn much. Now close your eyes and picture them in your mind’s eye, sitting there, with their piles of heroin and their electric guitars still switched [...]

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Famous Beauties Who Like Their Men UGLY!

by Josh Burt

Ever since gorgeous Marilyn Monroe stepped out with George-Formby lookalike Joe DiMaggio, a handful of famous stunners have continued the trend of unveiling their new boyfriends to the sound of a thousand showbusiness journalists dry puking whilst attempting to write short hand. Surely the rules dictate that great looking people should stick to their own [...]

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Let’s Replace Michael With Another Jackson!

by Josh Burt

Like most of the planet, we’ve spent the last few weeks weeping hysterically along to the words of Dirty Diana, or turning up at beat poetry nights to deliver a sobbed version of Billie Jean with a simple bass drum accompaniment. Our grief, it seemed, was never going to end. At one point we even [...]

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Michael Jackson’s GREATEST Songs Revealed!

by Josh Burt

And so the planet mourns the death of Michael Jackson. Singer, dancer, owner of monkey. Expect to spend the next few long months being force fed compilations of his greatest moments, most of which will feature Thriller, Billie Jean, Man in The Mirror. His so-called greatest hits. Only, really, they’re not. Not by a million [...]

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The GREATEST Fat People Ever!

by Josh Burt

Now that it’s holiday season, all the famous stars are coming out with their taut, muscular bikini bodies. Some, like Scary Spice, got a little bit carried away, and now she’s got Peter Andre‘s 1990s stomach, which resembles tight latex stretched over two giant packets of Wrigley’s Extra. It’s a weird look, especially with a [...]

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The Most MOVING Big Brother Couples…

by Josh Burt

Ahh, watching Kooks-a-like Kris darting a feverish tongue into Sophie’s appreciative mouth for a nanosecond of serious sex action is a beautiful sight. Hopefully, before this series of Big Brother is over, there will be more romance. Perhaps Marcus will get to steamroller Angel in the bit between the diary room and the house? Or [...]

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