There’s something rather amazing about Nicolas Cage films. It’s not that he can’t act – although, seriously, we’re not sure that he can – it’s more that you simply don’t know whether you’re going to spend the last few moments of the credits shouting furiously at the screen and simulating over-the-top air rabbit punches, or hugging everyone else in the cinema, because you’ve just shared a moment together. A wonderful wonderful moment. A moment that could end in sex.

High points in his career include: Con Air, Wild at Heart, Leaving Las Vegas, The Rock, Vampire’s Kiss, and Adaptation. Whilst crippling, “let’s…

Oh yeah, everyone’s gone crazy bananas ever since Simon Cowell allowed the public to cast Lucie Jones back to her dreary Welsh village, where she can forever plat people’s hair, and regale them with tales about the time she wore razor-cut denim, and sung a song that no one had ever heard of.

“I’m sorry, but who the hell are you?” they will ask. “I’m Lucie Jones,” she will declare, standing up from her seat, imagining the warmth of a spotlight once again caressing her stupid Welsh face. “Lucie Jones, the lonely girl from Wales, who went on to national fame and…

Chris Brown, the R&B singer, is unsure of how he is perceived by his fans. We know this, because that’s what he said in an interview.

Do they still love him for his music? Or have his tender sex songs lost a little bit of their appeal since he decided to practice Kung Fu on his ex-girlfriend Rihanna’s beautiful face? Yeah, it’s a concern, isn’t it Chris?

Unfortunately, sensual declarations of love to a backing track do tend to sound a bit watery, once you know that beneath the gargantuan teeth, and the promises of a better future, beats the thumping…

Ahhh, is there any greater feeling than cuddling up to the woman/man that you love, watching a frightening movie on DVD, then spending the rest of the evening in a cold sweat, convinced that if you fall asleep – even for a second – they will start surgically taking you apart with a razor blade?

This weekend it’s Halloween, which means that a large portion of young people will dress up like dicks, and go around the streets badgering people for sweets, whilst others will go to parties dressed as orcs, and a very small percentage will kill for the first…

For those who don’t know what Panto is, it’s like a really rowdy play at the theatre, where babies are allowed to weep hysterically throughout, old men have permission to shout racist slurs at the soap opera actors, most of whom casually blurt out crudely masked sexual references in front of an auditorium mainly comprising eight-year-olds.

As is befitting such a glorious show, Panto season coincides with Christmas.

The big news this year is that Pamela Anderson will be taking part in a production of Aladdin – she’s playing the genie. The results of this have been twofold. Firstly, the audience will feel a…

Some of you might have noticed that over the course of the Rocky films, the gravel-voiced trainer with the face like a seriously chewed piece of gum never got into the ring. He’d happily bark at Sly Stallone, calling him a loser, telling him what to do, but that was it. And the reason was simple – if he’d stepped up to Apollo Creed himself, the old man would have be dead before he hit the floor. It’s a story that now echoes the life of Cheryl Cole.

Everyone seems to have been going bananas over the last few days, as Cole…

As we all know, it’s rude to insult the dead. They’re dead. They can’t hear what you’re saying, and they can’t be rude back. Plus, it’s probably quite disrespectful, because, you know, they’re dead. Come on. What kind of person are you?

Anyway, the point is that we’re not going to say anything rude about Heath Ledger’s English accent in The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus, because he’s dead, and it would be a cheap shot. Instead, we’re going to list some other attempted accents, that may or may not be worse than Heath’s, whilst kind of hinting that perhaps they were better. What…

Everyone knows that, in movies, it’s tough being a woman.

The roles on offer tend to only be those of kindly nuns, tearful wives silently rinsing cups in the sink, or unbelievable ball breakers. There is no real middle ground. Of course, one other role that we haven’t mentioned yet is that of a wonderful prostitute.

Everyone’s played one, from Jane Fonda to Charlize Theron. So with that in mind, we thought it best to highlight the greatest on-screen hookers of them all.