Ian Dransfield - HecklerSpray

10 Best Fantasy Football League Clips

August 4th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Do you remember when Baddiel and Skinner weren’t annoying idiots?

We do. It was in this time they were at the helm of the show Fantasy Football League – a show that ran originally on the BBC as a weekly series, before being relegated to ITV and only being shown every other night during some international tournaments.

The novelty factor of it was that it was actually funny, consistently, and produced some fine pre-internet memes that fans of the show, and football in general, could share. Just ask Jason Lee. So here we go, in no particular order – and quite annoying as we couldn’t find all the clips we actually wanted…

Michael Jackson’s Ghost Warned Amy Winehouse Off Drugs. Obviously.

July 29th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

The day the forces of the undead and the deaddead join together in an unholy union has arrived. Live in fear, peons.

For you see, the recently (the other year) died-but-didn’t Amy Winehouse has been haunted by the ghost of the recently (the other month) died-but-did Michael Jackson.

But why did Jackson visit her, of all people? Why, to warn her of the dangers of drugs, obviously.

It would seem his spirit learned faster than his body did.

Guff About Videogames – The Let’s Hate Obama (for no reason) Edition!

July 28th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

President Obama hates videogames ? we have a reason to doubt the messiah. Took a while to find one that wasn?t borne out of racism or hatred of being fair to people, but we've found one.

Sure, it may be grasping at straws to find fault with what he's saying, and sure it may just be the kneejerk defensive reaction of a gamer wronged that we're seeing ? with the potential for some old-fashion INTERNET JUSTICE to be doled out.

But hey ? we welcome reasons to dislike popular people.

Amy Winehouse Died In Blake Fielder-Civil’s Arms (There’s a “Nearly” Missing From That Statement)

July 27th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

In a bold move to try and make people remember who he is, Blake Fielder-Civil has claimed Amy Winehouse died in his arms.

The problems here are twofold: one – it’s only nearly died, thus removing most of the impact, and two – who the hell is Blake Fielder-Civil?

Answers on a postcard please.

Even faced with this wall of evidence pointing to the fact that no one cares or knows who this plum is, The Sun still went and chatted to Amy Winehouse‘s ex-husband where he revealed the astonishing facts of a regular junkie party for the former couple.

Heather Mills Wishes/Unwishes (delete as appropriate) Cancer On The Bad People

July 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Much can be said about Heather Mills. Much has been said about Heather Mills. It’s safe to say that we aren’t the only ones who have said things about Heather Mills.

So we did kind of expect her to fight back in some way, what with her being a bit “interesting” in the head.

What we didn’t expect was that she’d wish cancer on anyone who had ever wronged her, tumours on those who had slighted her and death to those who gave her funny looks.

Sure, she denied she’d actually said that, but we happen to trust The Observer over Bionic Commandette.

Lindsay Lohan + Sam Ronson x Sex Toys = (Our) Vomit Everywhere

July 23rd, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

When the list is finally produced covering the ‘Things We Absolutely Do Not Want To Ever Know About, Ever’, this will be right up there at the top.

Nobody needs to know that Sam Ronson has apparently bought Lindsay Lohan a big pile of sex toys for her birthday.

We didn’t need to know, we didn’t want to know and we feel a bit sick now. Which is why we had to tell you lot, so you can feel as ill as we do.

Yep – sick as a dog.

Michael Jackson, Blah Blah, Love Child, Something Else, “Has A”, Maybe

July 22nd, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

News likely to shock anyone with eyes, a brain, at least an ear and possibly a face just in! Love child scandal! Fiasco! Controversy! Other shocking words to grab attention!

For it seems that those who are fit to make claims – i.e. the British tabloids – are doing just that, in claiming that Michael Jackson has an illicit love-baby who is now a full-man.

Yes, a full-man named Omer Bhatti, who also happens to be a Norwegian rapper.

Well that’s it settled then – if he’s a Norwegian rapper he has to be Michael Jackson‘s illegitimate, product-of-a-one-night-stand son.

Harry Potter and the Witty Headline About Making Lots of Money

July 17th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

What better way to cheer yourselves up in these times of economic strife than through the knowledge that something you have nothing to do with, nor could ever hope of having anything to do with, has made a crapload of money?

There is no better way, as Harry Potter and the Half Order of the Philosopher’s Hallows has shown us all by raking in more than $100 million in its first day on release.

Puts you in the perfect mood for a weekend, doesn’t it paupers!

But can Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Ha! We do know what it’s called!) possibly rake in even more cash to make you feel even more inadequate?

Yes. That’s a stupid question.

Peter Andre Blubs All Over The Gogglebox

July 16th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

Never let it be said we are anything but balanced, fair and righteous here at hecklerspray – we will always cover things from every angle available to us.

Which is why we’re now going to talk about the latest TV appearance by Peter Andre, where he gets all boo-hooey and says he’s all about his kids and stuff, and then completely fails to see the connection between apologising for his life in the spotlight then announcing he has a new reality show currently filming.

What a tool.

See? We’re not just mean to Katie Price.

Though she is a giganto-titted monstrosity of Lovecraftian proportions.

Guff About Videogames – The Summer Drought Edition

August 5th, 2012 By Ian Dransfield

Summer means no games coming out, it means having to go outside and it means that all we can do is stare longingly at pictures of games that are going to come out at Christmas.

It is a sad time indeed to be a gamer, and one of the worst times for the affliction known as “always looking forward… itis… osis” whereby people insist on ignoring what’s about now and instead focus on what will be about in six months.

Of course, when the six months is up they just end up looking forward to the stuff coming in 2010, and so on and so forth.

The fools!