HecklerSpray

Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy

Beyonce Looks Like A ‘Biker’

August 12th, 2010 By Hilary Wardle

You may not know/care about this, but Beyonce runs a fashion label called Derriere Dereon with her mother, Tina, and they're currently launching a new range of hideous, skin-tight, studded outfits with bits glued on.

And how better to advertise something a biker would never wear than with a ?biker? themed photoshoot?

Now, I know what you’re thinking: she's taken some style tips from the Hell?s Angels, grown a beard, developed some shadowy connections, started drinking real ale and had ‘love’ and ‘hat’ tattooed on her knuckles by a drunk ex-convict at the annual Bulldog Bash Biker Festival in Stratford. But you’d be only partially right.

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Watch Out! Rod Stewart Might Impregnate You! Yes, YOU!

August 9th, 2010 By Hilary Wardle

Rod Stewart with his lad in his hand, standing over you, pulsatingly erect. Do you like that image? DO YOU?

Well, Penny Lancaster clearly does, as she’s permitted Rod to put his rod in her, and now she’s got an ickle baby growing in her bellyhole.

Rod, preempting comments about his extreme age and cadaverous appearance, states:

“As a parent of a new child, I'll maybe only be around for 25 years at most. But it will be a happy, loving 25 years.”

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Joanna Lumley?s Chutney Dream

August 5th, 2010 By Hilary Wardle

Joanna Lumley loves Gurkhas. And so do I.

I love their crunchy texture, the tangy hit you get when you add them to a burger, their?oh, wait. Hang on. I'm thinking of gherkins. Sorry.

(consults Google)

Aha! Unlike gherkins, Gurkhas are ex-soldiers from the Indian Army’s Gorkha regiments. However, like gherkins they're now linked to the delicious world of chutneys and pickles.

Yes. Pickles.

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Top Five Tower Defence Games

August 7th, 2012 By Hilary Wardle

The problem with writing about flash-based tower defence games is that they’re very? hang on a minute.

I have to go and beat my top score on Cursed Treasure: those peasants won't shoot arrows into themselves, you know. Oh great, I can upgrade my Fire Temple now… aha! Fry, scabby jewel thieves!

Oops. Sorry about that. Got a bit distracted.

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St Jamie?s Academy

June 17th, 2010 By Hilary Wardle

I was checking out Jamie Oliver?s Twitter page today and was staggered to find a recipe on there. I'd forgotten he was a chef.

Yes, before Jamie turned into Food Jesus, he was actually a bog standard telly cook: a tousle-headed, lisping Delia. His ?crusade? TV shows are a more recent phenomenon, but at least he's tended to stick to a cookery theme.

Until now.

According to some detective work by The Guardian, Food Jesus is planning to found a school ?with a difference? and is looking for 16 to 19-year-old students from the Greater London area who left school feeling unfulfilled.

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