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hecklerspray staff

Katie Holmes Exhibits Her Keen Career Sense

by hecklerspray staff

We’ve had quite enough of all of the relentless Katie Holmes bashing by the press. Just when she’s settled into another $50,000 shopping spree with Victoria Beckham (aka Anorexic Spice) at Barneys Department Store, the media starts thrashing her for not reprising the character Rachel Dawes in the Batman Returns sequel, Dark night.

Just because Batman Returns was a colossal success (even though she played the role with the excitement of a wet rag) doesn’t mean we should give her a hard time. You all know how sensitive we are to people’s feelings here at hecklerspray.

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New Stupid Feud: Jared Leto vs. Elijah Wood

by hecklerspray staff

It seems Jared Leto doesn’t like it when people diss his band, 30 Seconds to Mars. This was a bitter lesson Elijah Wood learned when the two got into a hobbit-sized scuffle in October at the MTVU Woodie Awards.

This titbit of recycled drama was needlessly resurrected when Wood, who is obviously mature enough to let things go, recently detailed the spat in a recent interview for Jane magazine (where he no doubt also reveals his secrets to flawless, timeless skin). We’re all sure to see some quick resolution now that it’s been brought out into the open, because that worked so well for Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump.

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Anna Nicole Smith Mad About Paternity Test, Gets It Delayed

by hecklerspray staff

Anna Nicole Smith, our favourite blonde train wreck, really isn’t as dumb as she looks. After marrying a multi-millionaire with one and a half feet in the grave, shamelessly exploiting her body (even when she was portly and really should not have been doing so), and the reality programme The Anna Nicole Show that took us to new levels of abhorrence, we can conclusively say that she is actually dumber than she looks.

The latest item of proof is the questionable paternity of her daughter, Dannilynn, who was born in the Bahamas three months ago. The two gents up for the illustrious title of father are Nicole’s former flame, photographer Larry Birkhead, and her long-time attorney, Howard K. Stern. The ‘K’ either stands for Kreepy or Krusty… we go back and forth trying to decide. Larry Blockhead claims he is the baby’s rightful father, but Anna insists it’s Stern, with whom she exchanged drunken vows with on September 28, 2006 in the Bahamas. Anyway, such has been the level of Anna Nicole Smith’s paternity test freakout that a judge has decided to postpone it.

Anna Nicole Smith, our favourite blonde train wreck, really isn’t as dumb as she looks. After marrying a multi-millionaire with one and a half feet in the grave, shamelessly exploiting her body (even when she was portly and really should not have been doing so), and the reality programme The Anna Nicole Show that took us to new levels of abhorrence, we can conclusively say that she is actually dumber than she looks. The latest item of proof is the questionable paternity of her daughter, Dannilynn, who was born in the Bahamas three months ago. The two gents up for the illustrious title of father are Nicole’s former flame, photographer Larry Birkhead, and her long-time attorney, Howard K. Stern. The ‘K’ either stands for Kreepy or Krusty… we go back and forth trying to decide. Larry Blockhead claims he is the baby’s rightful father, but Anna insists it’s Stern, with whom she exchanged drunken vows with on September 28, 2006 in the Bahamas. Anyway, such has been the level of Anna Nicole Smith's paternity test freakout that a judge has decided to postpone it.
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Sundance Festival Eyewitnesses Suggest Celebs Are Boring

by hecklerspray staff

If you ignore those pesky rumours that films are shown at the Sundance Film Festival, you can really score some useless star-gazing. Although we keep a chateau just a short jaunt from the annual event taking place in Park City, Utah, we’re too lazy to get the first hand experience for ourselves.

As tempting as it is to circle narrow, packed city blocks for hours to find parking only to battle the mania of everyday average nobodies dying to catch a glimpse of anyone remotely famous, we’ve decided to continue with our high standard of journalistic integrity and mooch celebrity info from other sources.

Interestingly enough, these voyeurs are consistently reporting that celebs are, in fact, boring. It seems stars only do things like disarm nuclear bombs, leap buildings with a single bound, and engage in Kung-Fu fights with mortal enemies when they’re on screen. Instead, they drink their way from party lounge to party lounge, gathering obscene amounts of free swag (because they are truly in need of financial assistance), which will for sure be properly reported on their tax forms.

If you ignore those pesky rumours that films are shown at the Sundance Film Festival, you can really score some useless star-gazing. Although we keep a chateau just a short jaunt from the annual event taking place in Park City, Utah, we’re too lazy to get the first hand experience for ourselves. As tempting as it is to circle narrow, packed city blocks for hours to find parking only to battle the mania of everyday average nobodies dying to catch a glimpse of anyone remotely famous, we’ve decided to continue with our high standard of journalistic integrity and mooch celebrity info from other sources. Interestingly enough, these voyeurs are consistently reporting that celebs are, in fact, boring. It seems stars only do things like disarm nuclear bombs, leap buildings with a single bound, and engage in Kung-Fu fights with mortal enemies when they’re on screen. Instead, they drink their way from party lounge to party lounge, gathering obscene amounts of free swag (because they are truly in need of financial assistance), which will for sure be properly reported on their tax forms.
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Marilyn Manson ‘Seduces’ Lindsay Lohan & Some Other Actress

by hecklerspray staff

The marriage between gothic rocker Marilyn Manson and burlesque dancer/model Vita Don Teese had a good run. After all, people grow apart in a marriage. In this case, the exasperating, gruelling task of working on a relationship for roughly 365 days in a row took its toll on these two, and Dita filed for divorce on December 29.

But, even with the dread of a mundane, stale relationship, how could one ever grow tired of those penetrating eyes, pouty, luscious red lips, and smooth, alabaster skin? Oh, and Dita’s pretty hot, too.

Since the demise of their ‘blink-and-you-miss-it’ marriage, Mary Manson, 38, is being linked to a couple of barely legal hotties: Lindsay Lohan, 20, and Evan Rachel Wood, 19 (If you add their ages together, they almost exactly add up to his age, which we think makes it seem a tad less disgusting). Having a relationship with this guy will most definitely scar these impressionable youths for life. Although, LiLo’s pretty much maxed out in that department.

The marriage between gothic rocker Marilyn Manson and burlesque dancer/model Vita Don Teese had a good run. After all, people grow apart in a marriage. In this case, the exasperating, gruelling task of working on a relationship for roughly 365 days in a row took its toll on these two, and Dita filed for divorce on December 29. But, even with the dread of a mundane, stale relationship, how could one ever grow tired of those penetrating eyes, pouty, luscious red lips, and smooth, alabaster skin? Oh, and Dita's pretty hot, too. Since the demise of their 'blink-and-you-miss-it' marriage, Mary Manson, 38, is being linked to a couple of barely legal hotties: Lindsay Lohan, 20, and Evan Rachel Wood, 19 (If you add their ages together, they almost exactly add up to his age, which we think makes it seem a tad less disgusting). Having a relationship with this guy will most definitely scar these impressionable youths for life. Although, LiLo's pretty much maxed out in that department.
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