I wonder if a fighter pilot would feel the same way about me playing Star Fox as I feel about you playing Guitar Hero. Yes, I do mean YOU.

You kids with your iBoxes and your X-Phones, lurching about with your  Wii steering wheels, Wii fridges, and Wii windows that display a cartoon image of the Wii street you Wii live on… I’ve seen you standing there with your fake plastic guitar, measuring the accuracy of your pretend rock music. And, though it pains me to say it, I’m beginning to hate you.

I don’t want to hate you, but that’s the…

Birdman is back, and this time the maniac is attempting the Webtel Challenge. Let us explain.

If you’re going insert a foreign body into yourself, surely you wouldn’t want to use something that can only be associated with visceral terror, right?

Wrong, apparently.

As a response to my heartfelt criticism of Twilight, someone sent me this link to what appears to be a dildo based on what Edward’s junk might look like. It’s after the jump, so proceed with caution…

Cameos in movies are always a bit of a double-edged sword.

On one hand they can provide audiences with a reaction of genuine delight when they find a big-name star who was not listed in the opening credits has suddenly turned up on screen to enliven and enrich the film in progress.

The more negative reaction however can see fans of a particular actor howling in anger as some wannabe gate-crashes some other big-name star’s party – usually with a scene of such gravitas that it completely overshadows the main star’s performance.

You know, here at Hecklerspray, we deplore violence.

But even we cannot fathom why people get in such a flap about videogame violence – it’s not real. Besides, the more time some sweaty kid spends locked up in his room playing Grand Theft Auto, the less time he is out on the street causing mischief. It also means he can satisfy his bloodlust within the four walls of his bedroom – just like certain other urges teenage boys get.

And if he wants to beat some poor old lady to death in the street, so be it. It’s only pixels after all.…

Like rock, of a vintage kind, with balls out and great beer guts sticking out from faded tees, gathering up the crumbs dropped from big ol’ beards?

Then you need a word with Cincinnati’s Buffalo Killers, who have peddling vintage groove laden rockin’ fuzz psych spectacular under the radar for some years. They’ve been gaining admiring glances from support slots with The Black Crowes, who clearly seethe with jealousy at a band able to rock harder, louder and with more funk than anyone else in the battlefield.

This is real shit-kicker rock to knock your spots clean off.

September is the month when hopeful nobodies dream of being the next Matthew Fox or Eva Longoria.  This season there are some new faces staring down the precipice preparing for instant fame or instant coffee.  Could the six Friends have known their fate when the pilot aired?  One of them did – but that was later with the spin off.  

There are some key things to look out for that might help the success of a new show: A familiar face – Worked with: Frasier. Not so much: Joey.  A familiar crew – Worked with: Frasier. Not so much: Joey.  An…

Remember the kids’ TV show Knightmare? Where a gawky square-eyed thirteen year old wandered blindly through a Dungeons and Dragons style green-screen environment, with buck-toothed team mates urging him on with instructions like, “two paces left. No, two paces. No, your other left”. Along the way he’d encounter wildly overacting characters who would declare “WELCOME BRAVE KNIGHT TO THE CASTLE OF TRONG! Choose wisely; will ye take the Fiery Chasm of Death? Or this gourd of dragon spunk?”

Well, Enemy of Chaos is like Knightmare. Except it isn’t a TV show. It’s a choose-your-own adventure book and iPhone game. And it’s very,…