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Paul Gibson

Robert Pattinson Is Sexier Than Daniel Radcliffe. Rupert Grint Still Unbearably Ugly

by Paul Gibson

Hey, don’t just take our word for it. Go ask the hedge-haired boy wizard himself. He’s the one that said it, not us. In other news, it has been reported that 85% of people would rather drink a gallon of sour milk than a cup of tramp’s widdle. Who do you think of when someone [...]

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Shaheen Jafargholi: A 12-Year-Old Boy At Michael Jackson’s Funeral?

by Paul Gibson

Michael Jackson’s memorial service is, fittingly, expected to be a show to remember for those fortunate enough to gain entrance.

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Hecklerspray’s Monday Music Mango: Florence And The Machine, Duckworth Lewis Method, Benny Andersson Band

by Paul Gibson

Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases. You may have heard that Michael Jackson, King Of Pop and Prince Of Perverts, moonwalked off this mortal coil recently. Or you may not; for all we know, you could be a clam  surviving in a deep ocean vent [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Fake Autopsy Results, American Idol And Billy Mays

by Paul Gibson

As the world comes to terms with the sudden death of one of its most enduring icons, we all naturally begin to question what justice there is in the universe. Really, how could any God with an ounce of compassion take Billy Mays and his fearsomely black beard, yet leave prostitute-slapping Vince Shlomi free to [...]

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America’s Got Talent Begins: Can They Give Us A Susan Boyle?

by Paul Gibson

Will the producers of America’s Got Talent be able to find a mad-haired old fat lady, just like the Brits did? The clue is in the question: what with this being America, they’ll doubtless be fighting them off with sticks. Of course, America has to do things a bit bigger than anybody else. So we [...]

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): The Final!

by Paul Gibson

During the First World War, soldiers would often endure days of warfare in the most atrocious conditions imaginable, and emerge from it all having gained or lost just a few yards for their team. Which is a hideously overblown and offensively inappropriate metaphor for this year’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here, the [...]

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Hecklerspray’s Monday Music Mango: Cortney Tidwell, Fanny, Dinosaur Jr.

by Paul Gibson

Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of this week’s major label releases. It’s Monday, which means back to work and all those people you’d prefer not to spend time with. Apart from that new Belgian lass that’s just started on the second floor, we heard she’ll do it in the cleaner’s [...]

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David Carradine: Murder Or Masturbation?

by Paul Gibson

Masturbation, quite clearly. But that hasn’t stopped his family from putting forward the theory that he was killed. By a Kung Fu gang. Think of the most embarrassing moment of your life. Think of it, relive it, be there right now. Bad, huh? Now fast forward a bit and imagine your 72-year old body being [...]

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Myleene Klass Gets Sticky In Bed

by Paul Gibson

Having already changed rooms because of an insect infestation, Myleene has accidentally glued herself to her bed. If anyone starts connecting the dots between ‘insects’, ‘grasshoppers’ and ‘sticky hotel room messes’, they will be asked to leave. Myleene Klass, barely-sentient host of the celebrity torturefest: we knew she wasn’t the greenest leaf on the tree, [...]

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I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here (USA): Week Two Begins

by Paul Gibson

Yes, we had to check that, too. But it’s true: it is only Week Two and not, as we had thought, Year Eighty-Nine. But a week can be a long time in the jungle. Especially a jungle where pubey-bearded manchild Spencer Pratt spends 19 hours out of every day arguing with mahogany-faced leatherwoman Janice Dickinson. [...]

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