Paul Gibson - HecklerSpray

Charlie Sheen Has Tiger Blood. Other Celebrities Have…

April 15th, 2011 By Paul Gibson

As the sound of riotous laughter at Charlie Sheen’s kerraazy antics begins to quieten, and morph into more of an embarrassed chuckle, we must ask ourselves what the tragic actor’s manic spree of self-delusionary word vomiting has left us with.

Has he changed the world somehow, perhaps by using his “warlock brain” to unlock the secret of ending Third World poverty? Or has he unleashed a new narcotic plague on us all, with the unveiling of a new drug “called Charlie Sheen“?

Nah. Neither of those, because they are merely the sparkings of an electrically unbalanced brain. The one thing Charlie Sheen has left us with is the knowledge that celebrities are different to us, in that they each use the blood of animals to carry oxygen round their bodies and that. Charlie Sheen of course, has “tiger blood“. But what do other celebrities have running through their veins? Come and leap over the jump to find out…

New George Michael Tour! Provincial Weed Dealers Thrilled? You Betcha!

March 23rd, 2011 By Paul Gibson

In news which prompted the Metropolitan Police to issue the statement “Thank fuck for that, now he’s someone else’s problem”, George Michael has ‘announced’ a new tour.

Okay, so this isn’t your actual press conference announcement, but he did post something on Twitter that made it sound like he’ll drag his flabby carcass out on a tour.

And to hecklerspray, a Tweet is just about as good as a court-certified affadavit, witnessed by God and the baby Jesus, and guaranteed by powdered unicorn horn and rainbow juice.

Fearne Cotton Forced To Wear Bikini In Front Of Chris Moyles Like He’s Jabba The Hutt

March 21st, 2011 By Paul Gibson

You may have heard that Chris Moyles – Radio 1’s captive beluga whale – has just finished doing something dead exciting.

Something more braver than what a soldier’s ever done. Something Andy McNabb would run away from, screaming like a pepper-sprayed toddler. Yes, last week Radio 1’s hot (like a panful of boiling lard) property stayed awake for longer than is comfortable. What a hero. A stalwart. A charitable chap.

Oh, and a pervert, as his last on-air wish was to have a bikini-clad Fearne Cottton enter his sweaty radio pit merely to spike his fatigue-laden libido.

Lady Gaga Eggsplodes Out Of A Giant Plastic Shell At The Grammys

February 14th, 2011 By Paul Gibson

The Grammys have witnessed a fair amount of crazy popstar shenanigans over the years: think of Chris Brown blatting then-girlfriend Rihanna’s face in with his tiny fists (2009); and Jennifer Lopez shooting to fame by wearing a boob-enhancing dress in 2000.

But this year’s Grammy ceremony has delivered surely the maddest nonsense ever, with pop minstrel Lady Gaga showing up to the awards inside a giant egg. Unconfirmed reports claim she poached the idea from Madonna.

Yes, it’s her again. Just days after releasing her controversially Madonnaesque new single, the lunatic “lady”? has now delivered unto us a quite astonishing display of eggcentric behaviour.

John Travolta Flies Home Because Pregnant Wife Kelly Preston Is (Not) In Labour

November 15th, 2010 By Paul Gibson

For many people, their? interest in John Travolta began and ended with his starring role in the disco-dancing, parent-upsetting, tight-panted 1970s movie Saturday Night Fever.

These people have no desire to learn more about The Trav’s later career as a man looking after a talking baby, or a man who carries around a briefcase full of Christmas lights, or a man who swaps faces with the wooden-faced Jodie Foster impersonator Nicholas Cage.

But we can’t all be rational adults with problem-strewn lives of our own and no time for monitoring the affairs of yesteryear’s celebrities.

Total Dunderhead Spencer Pratt Gets Arrested In Costa Rica While Getting On A Plane With Loads Of Guns

September 13th, 2010 By Paul Gibson

The world of celebrity is not unused to certain members of its population doing odd things.

Take Danny Dyer for instance, suggesting that a woman deciding against a long-term relationship with a man is a legitimate excuse for face-murder. Or Lindsay Lohan, whose crazed mind believed that she would curry favour with a judge by writing swears on her fingernails. Or Alan Bloody Davies, who bloody well once bit the bloody ear off of a bloody tramp.

Maniacs all. But none of them has ever travelled quite so close to the Mountains of Madness as today’s celebrigimp: Spencer Pratt (who used to stick his bookies’ biro penis into Heidi Montag) has been arrested at Costa Rica’s airport while trying to board a plane with guns. Guns he had used during the previous few days to kill some food during a spirit-cleansing exercise.

Hecklerspray’s Monday Music Mango: Black Label Society, Charlie Daniels, Red Hot Chilli Pipers

August 5th, 2012 By Paul Gibson

Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of upcoming major label releases.

Another very diverse week, stretching from ludicrous pomp-metal, through hardcore country, to bagpipe-rock.

You heard us: bagpipe-rock.

Music this week works its way from Zakk Wylde‘s anarcho nonsense rockers Black Label Society, through lynching aficionado Charlie Daniels, all the way out to madcap bagpipers Red Hot Chilli Pipers.

Enjoy, won’t you?

Bristol Palin Calls Off Engagement To Levi Johnston Because Etc Etc Etc

August 4th, 2010 By Paul Gibson

We know, you’ve had an anxious couple of weeks fretting about how Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston have been getting on with their engagement.

Such anxious feelings are only to be expected when one of the couple is the daughter of America’s stupidest and most wholesomely religious person, and the other is famous only for not properly whapping his cock out in Playgirl magazine.

That is the dictionary definition of ‘mismatch’.

Well, your fears have been realised today, as Bristol Palin announces that her engagement to Levi Johnston is OVER. With a capital O. And then a capital V. And then a… see you after the jump, eh?

Badvertising: Huggies Denim Diapers. Sorry: Nappies.

August 7th, 2012 By Paul Gibson

Badvertising brings you the world’s worst TV commercials. Which is basically why the internet was created, right?

This one – a TV commercial advertising Denim Diapers (sorry: nappies) made by Huggies – is particularly egregious. Because just when you thought that America could stoop no lower than openly sexualising the tweenaged Miley Cyrus, good old Uncle States of Sam poops this monstrosity into your eyes.

Video after the jump, weirdos…

Hecklerspray’s Monday Music Mango: Katie Melua, Arcade Fire, Gaelic Storm

August 5th, 2012 By Paul Gibson

Separating the sweet, juicy flesh from the stone and skin of upcoming major label releases.

We think that we’ve picked out a nicely diverse collection of albums this week. We’re not overly fond of all of them, but, hey: we call things as we hear them and then allow you to decide (except for the new one from Communist hippies Arcade Fire, because you simply must like that. Oh yes: YOU MUST).

That aside, we have songs from Radio 2 emoto-princess Katie Melua, and some wonderfully jaunty Irish nonsense from Gaelic Storm.

Welcome please, come and see, enjoy our wares.