Posts by author:

David Schwartz

Top 9 Worst Movie Performances By Musicians

by David Schwartz

Why can’t musicians simply be happy with playing music? Why do they insist on this misguided notion they are not simply musicians, but rather ‘performers’, ‘artists’ or, even worse, ‘entertainers’?

What’s so wrong with being called a musician? Does it not pay the rent anymore? Do you have to get another job as an actor just to make your ends meet? Times are hard for multi-millionaire rock stars, you know. Playing a guitar nicely and singing some catchy lyrics is not a bad living, but you can’t retire on it. And, of course, what the world really wants is more shit actors.

Well hecklerspray has had enough. It’s time to name and shame the worst offenders…

11 comments Read more >>>

Top Six Disappointing Star Wars Characters

by David Schwartz

tar Wars fans have had to deal with their fair share of disappointments. Return of the Jedi ending in a teddy bear’s picnic is one. Another was watching The Phantom Menace.

But maybe as Star Wars fans we see the series through rose-tinted spectacles. Maybe – and it hurts us to say this – it was never that good in the first place. Maybe as impressionable young kids we were just taken for the ride of our life through a galaxy far, far away and totally missed the dodgy script, hammy acting and bloody Ewoks.

All right, maybe not. That’s just crazy talk. But it has made me start thinking about things that could have been better throughout the series – not just the three prequels. What if the Jawas rather than the Ewoks helped the Rebels defeat the Empire on Endor? Would that have been better? Maybe. Would it have been even better if Yoda had done some actual fighting in The Empire Strikes Back? No, probably not.

Oh, and would the world have been a better place if Jar Jar Binks had died horribly at the start of Phantom Menace? Definitely. So what about the characters? Were there any characters that just didn’t quite live up to expectations? Quite possibly. Here’s six…

tar Wars fans have had to deal with their fair share of disappointments. Return of the Jedi ending in a teddy bear's picnic is one. Another was watching The Phantom Menace. But maybe as Star Wars fans we see the series through rose-tinted spectacles. Maybe - and it hurts us to say this – it was never that good in the first place. Maybe as impressionable young kids we were just taken for the ride of our life through a galaxy far, far away and totally missed the dodgy script, hammy acting and bloody Ewoks. All right, maybe not. That's just crazy talk. But it has made me start thinking about things that could have been better throughout the series – not just the three prequels. What if the Jawas rather than the Ewoks helped the Rebels defeat the Empire on Endor? Would that have been better? Maybe. Would it have been even better if Yoda had done some actual fighting in The Empire Strikes Back? No, probably not. Oh, and would the world have been a better place if Jar Jar Binks had died horribly at the start of Phantom Menace? Definitely. So what about the characters? Were there any characters that just didn't quite live up to expectations? Quite possibly. Here's six...
12 comments Read more >>>

Top Seven Celebrity Vs Paparazzi Fights

by David Schwartz

Being a celebrity isn’t all bad, you know. Sure you are hounded by an insatiable media hell-bent on knowing your every move, but, then again, you get lots of free stuff. You see, it all evens itself out.

You also get away with hitting the people who irritate you – like reporters and photographers. Why? Well, firstly because you’re a celebrity and we should all be grateful if a star like you lowers yourself to even touch us. The second reason is because everyone hates nasty paparazzi almost as much as celebrities do. Do we cry if a reporter gets punched? Well, of course not.

Do we look at their pictures? Of course we do. So why then do we seem to react to a celebrity beating then up in the same way we would a dancing bear turning on its tormentors? Who knows?

Anyway, hecklerspray has decided to come up with seven of the best. Let battle commence.

Being a celebrity isn't all bad, you know. Sure you are hounded by an insatiable media hell-bent on knowing your every move, but, then again, you get lots of free stuff. You see, it all evens itself out. You also get away with hitting the people who irritate you – like reporters and photographers. Why? Well, firstly because you're a celebrity and we should all be grateful if a star like you lowers yourself to even touch us. The second reason is because everyone hates nasty paparazzi almost as much as celebrities do. Do we cry if a reporter gets punched? Well, of course not. Do we look at their pictures? Of course we do. So why then do we seem to react to a celebrity beating then up in the same way we would a dancing bear turning on its tormentors? Who knows? Anyway, hecklerspray has decided to come up with seven of the best. Let battle commence.
2 comments Read more >>>

Top 10 Worst Songs Performed By Sports Stars

by David Schwartz

George Bush and power, Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, Britney and kids – there are some combinations that are doomed to fail before they even start.

It’s just the way it is. You just have to accept it. So why then to sports stars insist on making tits of themselves by releasing records?

They already command massive salaries and are idolised by millions. So why don’t they just stick to what they’re good at? Do you they really think that what the world is really waiting for is them to pick up a microphone or guitar? Just about all of us at one stage of our lives have dreamed of being either a sports star or a musician. But to want to do both –that’s just greedy! Give the rest of us a chance, you overpaid, pampered princesses.

Here are the 10 worst examples of sports stars having a bash at music. Please feel free to send us any more.

George Bush and power, Sir Paul McCartney and Heather Mills, Britney and kids - there are some combinations that are doomed to fail before they even start. It's just the way it is. You just have to accept it. So why then to sports stars insist on making tits of themselves by releasing records? They already command massive salaries and are idolised by millions. So why don't they just stick to what they're good at? Do you they really think that what the world is really waiting for is them to pick up a microphone or guitar? Just about all of us at one stage of our lives have dreamed of being either a sports star or a musician. But to want to do both –that's just greedy! Give the rest of us a chance, you overpaid, pampered princesses. Here are the 10 worst examples of sports stars having a bash at music. Please feel free to send us any more.
6 comments Read more >>>

Top Seven Movie Misquotes

by David Schwartz

Why do people misquote films so much? We all do it. That is until some pedantic friend points out your mistake, and you ignore him or her anyway.

And do we why ignore them? Well, that’s because you do not want to turn into the annoying, pedantic friend who everyone ignores. It’s a vicious circle.

It must make Hollywood screen writers want to tear their hairpieces out. They probably spend hours agonising over one defining line, only for cinema-goers to totally miss the message. Well, today, just to prove we are not only here to titillate but educate, hecklerspray is your annoying pedantic friend who, um, you’ll eventually ignore.Really, we don’t know why we bother.

9 comments Read more >>>

Sky Newsreader Says C-Word Live On Air

by David Schwartz

Hecklerspray has a quick test for you. Try saying the words ‘seal cull hunt’ three times very quickly without using the c-word. It’s not easy is it? Well, it certainly wasn’t for one poor newsreader on Sky last weekend, who dropped a major clanger by mentioning the c-word live on air during a story about [...]

2 comments Read more >>>

Worst 7 Bond Girls

by David Schwartz

We all have our favourite Bond Girls – but who is your least favourite? There is no doubt that Bond has bedded some of the most attractive film actresses ever, like Diana Rigg, Ursula Andress, Famke Janssen, Halle Berry and… errr, Grace Jones.

But even Bond’s quality control has been shaken and stirred by one too many dry martinis. Not that any of us at hecklerspray would kick any of these misfiring flames out of bed, of course. After all, it’s all for Queen and country.

Plus one is called Goodhead.

35 comments Read more >>>

Top Six Movie Dorks

by David Schwartz

It’s time someone stood up for dorks. Not blessed with the brains of a geek or a nerd, they are usually given a rough ride in movies.

Backward, smelly and dim-witted they may be, but on many occasions they make a movie special. And we don’t special mean as in ‘needs’.

So it’s time to give them their due and recognise the greatest among them.

20 comments Read more >>>

Top 10 Creepy Kids In Movies

by David Schwartz

Forget bloodthirsty monsters or unstoppable serial killers, it’s children that are the real stars of horror films.

Why? Because nothing unnerves you more than a creepy kid. They’re supposed to be angelic and cute, not the stuff of pure evil – that is unless you have them, of course.

To think of them as evil twists our ideas of childhood innocence. It’s like petting a fluffy dog and then realising it has some sort of flesh-eating disease. Of course, we’ve all had bad experiences with creepy children. They’re the ones at school even the geeks and dorks wouldn’t hang around with. In fact, the only thing they usually played with was their own shit.

To be honest, even thinking up this list has got us on edge, so let’s cut to the chase.

5 comments Read more >>>

Top 13 Movie Mistakes

by David Schwartz

Imagine drinking a lovely glass of wine and then finding a dead mouse at the bottom. Disgusting, isn’t it? Well, that’s how we felt at hecklerspray after deciding to come up with this list.

We thought it would be easy. Come up with a few cock-ups from famous films and put them together with a few video clips. But after a bit of digging about, what we found was far more unsightly. Indeed, it seems that under the flesh wounds lie an army of festering maggots.

There’s never just one mistake, but tonnes of them. Good movies too. Mind you, the reason no-one finds continuity errors in crap films like Daddy Day Care is because no one would be prepared to watch the film over and over again. You would want to scratch your eyes out. Maybe it could replace the death penalty.

Seriously, how have we not noticed these before? Are we blind? Or do we just not spend hours analysing them? Well, thankfully, there are people who do spend hours going through these films and spotting errors. They come in all kind of forms, from continuity blunders to factual mistakes. It makes you wonder what the people who are supposed to make sure these things don’t happen were doing. Having a dump? Of course, it doesn’t really matter, and it’s just a bit of fun. It could be a lot worse. Some movies are just mistakes from the start.

Now, we didn’t make the videos, or find the mistakes, we are just presenting them in a handy, bite-sized form. It’s proof, if ever you needed, that some people really do have too much time on their hands. Enjoy!

Imagine drinking a lovely glass of wine and then finding a dead mouse at the bottom. Disgusting, isn't it? Well, that's how we felt at hecklerspray after deciding to come up with this list. We thought it would be easy. Come up with a few cock-ups from famous films and put them together with a few video clips. But after a bit of digging about, what we found was far more unsightly. Indeed, it seems that under the flesh wounds lie an army of festering maggots. There's never just one mistake, but tonnes of them. Good movies too. Mind you, the reason no-one finds continuity errors in crap films like Daddy Day Care is because no one would be prepared to watch the film over and over again. You would want to scratch your eyes out. Maybe it could replace the death penalty. Seriously, how have we not noticed these before? Are we blind? Or do we just not spend hours analysing them? Well, thankfully, there are people who do spend hours going through these films and spotting errors. They come in all kind of forms, from continuity blunders to factual mistakes. It makes you wonder what the people who are supposed to make sure these things don't happen were doing. Having a dump? Of course, it doesn't really matter, and it's just a bit of fun. It could be a lot worse. Some movies are just mistakes from the start. Now, we didn't make the videos, or find the mistakes, we are just presenting them in a handy, bite-sized form. It's proof, if ever you needed, that some people really do have too much time on their hands. Enjoy!
3 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →