Spoiler alert! Leaping lizards – cult Eighties sci-fi TV mini-series V is back on our TV screens!

26 years since I hid behind the sofa at the sight of a big-haired Jane Badler scoffing down a poor, hapless guinea pig, our favourite reptilian alien overlords are back – albeit with a slight makeover.

Gone are the big hairstyles, orange jumpsuits, huge sunglasses and funny voices – the new series, which was piloted last night on US screens, is very much a creation of the post-9/11 age.

We love Sports Illustrated swimwear models here at hecklerspray.

Sure, we like looking at the pictures of beautiful girls but we also like to think they are performing an important role of getting more people interested in swimming. Well, put it this way, nothing has made us more interested in the breaststroke than the thought of a lovely girl in a tight-fitting bikini.

OK, enough of the terrible jokes and roll on the pictures of half-naked women…

Poker is officially our new favourite pastime.

But we are not talking about just playing it – watching it can be just as good.

What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me?

If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though.

It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.

Advertising – it’s the easiest job in the world.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but coming up with a successful advert is not exactly brain surgery. Bit of sex, a lot of humour and a cracking song and you could sell vomit-coloured shoes to even the most discerning of fashion shoppers. We like to think we are immune to such obvious marketing tricks, but we’re not.

Tampons are not exactly a regular on my shopping list. But give me an ad featuring Anna Friel in a skimpy top dancing to the Pixies or some cracking Motown track and it…

Premiership footballers? Not exactly the most likeable bunch in the world, are they?

Never has failure been rewarded so richly than in the top flight of English football. Apart from maybe the banking sector – but that’s a whole different story. They turn up for a few hours of training four days a week, play a match at the weekend and sometimes in midweek and earn a fortune doing it.

Sickening, isn’t it? Jealous? You bet we are.

The pop industry has a lot to answer for.

It has created a lot of monsters. Simon Cowell and Kerry Katona spring to mind immediately. But female pop stars are not all talentless bints who clutter up newspapers and snarky entertainment sites (thanks for that) with their inane chatter and their lady bits.

Some of them look nice too. In fact, some of them are incredibly sexy. Oh, and some of them can sing too – but not that many.

They may be able to talk the talk – but can they really walk the walk?

Hollywood movies are littered with so-called tough guys. But take away their stunt doubles, green screens and fake guns and what do you have left? Nic Cage? He’s just a lanky streak of piss. Mel Gibson? Give me a break. Mark Wahlberg? Don’t make us laugh. Tom Cruise? Now you really are taking the piss.

Well, hecklerspray has come up with a list of Hollywood actors we think really could mix it with the best of them. These are Hollywood hardmen who really did live up to…