Victoria’s Secret? Well, it’s not really a secret at all.

Want to sell some underwear? Just get some of the hottest women alive to prance around in it.

It’s that simple. Seriously, stick Heidi Klum in an advert for anything and we would be at the front of the queue. Even if it is thrush cream.

Job done. But who are the hottest Victoria’s Secret models of all? Well, all we can say is, we certainly enjoyed trying to find out.

Football wasn’t always a non-contact sport.

With all the diving, posing and play-acting you see in the Premiership and international football these days, it’s easy to forget there were times the Beautiful Game was anything but. In fact, football could be downright nasty – with the players below some of the main instigators.

Bring on the FA charge.

Leaping lizards – cult Eighties sci-fi TV mini-series V is back on our TV screens!

Twenty-six years since I hid behind the sofa at the sight of a big-haired Jane Badler scoffing down a poor, hapless guinea pig, our favourite reptilian alien overlords are back – albeit with a slight makeover.

Gone are the big hairstyles, orange jumpsuits, huge sunglasses and funny voices – the new series, which was piloted last night on US screens, is very much a creation of the post-9/11 age.

We love Sports Illustrated swimwear models here at hecklerspray.

Sure, we like looking at the pictures of beautiful girls but we also like to think they are performing an important role of getting more people interested in swimming. Well, put it this way, nothing has made us more interested in the breaststroke than the thought of a lovely girl in a tight-fitting bikini.

OK, enough of the terrible jokes and roll on the pictures of half-naked women…

Poker is officially our new favourite pastime.

But we are not talking about just playing it – watching it can be just as good.

What is it about the Deep South of America that scares the crap out of me?

If ever I was to rank all the places in the world according to where I would like to go before I die, it would probably appear below warzones Afghanistan and Burma. It’s still above France though.

It’s ridiculous, I know, but I’m British. My only knowledge of the area comes from appalling horror movies and one heavily-edited episode of Top Gear. But there is something about the place which really freaks me out.

Advertising – it’s the easiest job in the world.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but coming up with a successful advert is not exactly brain surgery. Bit of sex, a lot of humour and a cracking song and you could sell vomit-coloured shoes to even the most discerning of fashion shoppers. We like to think we are immune to such obvious marketing tricks, but we’re not.

Tampons are not exactly a regular on my shopping list. But give me an ad featuring Anna Friel in a skimpy top dancing to the Pixies or some cracking Motown track and it…

Premiership footballers? Not exactly the most likeable bunch in the world, are they?

Never has failure been rewarded so richly than in the top flight of English football. Apart from maybe the banking sector – but that’s a whole different story. They turn up for a few hours of training four days a week, play a match at the weekend and sometimes in midweek and earn a fortune doing it.

Sickening, isn’t it? Jealous? You bet we are.