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Amy Grindhouse

Britney Spears’s House Is Just A Really Fancy Prison

by Amy Grindhouse

Britney Spears is a prisoner in her own home. Haven’t you heard? The enormous mansions she owns in California and Louisiana are basically ‘prisons’. Really large prisons where the chairs still have padding. While we go and pick the neighbourhood locks in hopes of being thrown into A Britney Spears Prison of Awesome, you may [...]

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s Grandmother Was A ‘C**t’. Says Gwyneth Paltrow.

by Amy Grindhouse

Gwyneth Paltrow is the love of our lives. She’s adored more than every single one of the people we drunkenly fumbled around with behind the bike sheds in heckler high school. More than the assorted people we’ve since collectively married in Las Vegas – none of whom we’ve bothered to divorce because we each yelled [...]

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Vanessa Hudgens Was Licking Uncut, Class A White Chocolate At Coachella

by Amy Grindhouse

Vanessa Hudgens was one of the many celebrities this past weekend to forget she’s not a homeless person, and stop washing long enough to attend Coachella. Not washing yourself, taking special care never to wash your hands, is as integral to the experience as foraging for berries and burying your poop. Reports from the weekend [...]

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Kim Kardashian Reminds The World They All Have Bums Too

by Amy Grindhouse

Kim Kardashian would like you to know you have a bum. She really does! We’re actually not making fun of her. Yet. She really did make the throw away comment, during a recent interview, that everyone has a bum. We’ll build back up to that, we wouldn’t want you to overheat from that revelation. Kim [...]

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Britney Spears’ Ex-Husband Has Knocked Up A Third Woman

by Amy Grindhouse

It’s a good thing that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline separated; his Sperm of Steel would have wrecked her womb for good. Britney filed for divorce from Kevin on 7 November, 2007; only days before her entire reproductive system would have caved in, from the constant sperm attacks and the overuse. We’re not even kidding. [...]

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Justin Bieber Probably Had A Vivid Wet Dream About Robert Pattinson

by Amy Grindhouse

That’s probably a gross title about a 17-year-old’s masturbatory efforts – but like this whole yelling mean things at people on the Internet for a living thing, we’re running with it. Justin Bieber has reportedly been telling people that he had some kind of affectionate, pandering, possibly homoerotic meeting with Robert Pattinson that only took [...]

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Peaches Geldof Accused Of Stealing For The Heck Of It

by Amy Grindhouse

Peaches Geldof has decided to forge a career for herself outside of composing listicles for a myriad of otherwise credible media publications. It’s just a shame that she’s being accused of breaking the law in her new line of work. It’s a shame because, according to multiple reports, the 22-year-old is turning quite a roaring [...]

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Scarlett Johansson May Be Sleeping With Half Of Hollywood. Or Not.

by Amy Grindhouse

Scarlett Johansson is rumoured to have been dating Sean Penn for the last two months. Therefore, it was no real surprise when there were pictures taken of the pair eating lunch together; lunch that had a happy ending; lunch for which she paid. Well, cry yourself to sleep no more, dear hecklerspray reader/ squatter of [...]

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Katie Holmes Sues Magazine For Telling Slightly More Lies Than Usual

by Amy Grindhouse

Katie Holmes is suing mad over Star Magazine telling filthy, filthy lies about her alleged drug addiction. That addiction, you know. The one where she’s addicted to Charlie Sheen, or something. We’re pretty sure at least one person in this story’s addicted to Charlie Sheen. The actress has filed a libel lawsuit in federal court [...]

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Britney Spears Made $500,000 for Hold It Against Me Product Placement

by Amy Grindhouse

Britney Spears released her Hold It Against Me music video last week and surprised no one when it contained more product placements that choreography. The dance moves were so lacking and lackluster that the sad/ glassy-eyed Britney’s two-stepping had to be disguised with obnoxiously-fast editing. The entire introduction of the video was nothing but the [...]

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