There’s truth in jest, at least so far as Russell Brand is concerned.

He recently made a comment that his wedding to Katy Perry would be a naked one, where the dress-code would be clothing optional. But he wasn’t really joking, was he? Would you joke about precious, precious naked time if you were about to marry Katy’s boobs?

These new rumours about Katy and Russell are just filthy enough to be true. The good kind of filthy – where other people are in the room at the time and you jauntily chuckle because they don’t know what a dirty blighter you…

Kourtney Kardashian is probably headed for a libel-related lawsuit, with the Photoshop happy people at OK! magazine.

The reality star is accusing the publication of letting loose the airbrushing equivalent of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, all over her boat race.

Kourtney has been having a weeks-long love affair with the good folks at Life & Style magazine. For those of you who haven’t heard of them before, they would be the celebrity baby-crazies who aren’t People magazine.

Madonna and Jesus wish to complete the holy trinity of bad puns, by procreating. Though probably rumour, it suits our evil ends to mercilessly poke fun of the couple.

51-year-old Madonna and her 23-year-old boyfriend – a boyfriend who appears to have only just sprouted chin pubes – are rumoured to want a child together. Bored with her own children, Madonna has decided to think outside the box.

Rather than inciting another backlash by dancing merrily around the Malawian legal system, Madonna may be growing another baby in her womb. Womb? No, that doesn’t sound quite right. Her womb, um, or whatever…

Britney Spears is a lovable bundle of hair naps and cola spills. She spent the first five years of her career dressed like a self-medicated footie mum.

Now that she actually is a self-medicated fottie mum she reverts to dressing like a tween in arrested development.

The singer can do a pretty good impression of someone who is semi sexually alluring – although she’s usually dressed in nothing but stockings and a feather boa at the time. Mother of two, and owner of many an own-brand box of hair dye, Britney has admitted what we all figured out some time ago; she’s…

Guy Ritchie may have already screwed the chances of a Sherlock Holmes sequel ever getting off the ground.

Well not Guy himself, but one of the blokes in his movie, a little known actor by the name of Robert Downey Jr. No, we’ve never heard of him either but we expect great things from his career.

Okay, enough New Year’s silliness. According to reports, despite having only just been spanked at the box office by The Over-long, Over-priced Thunder Smurfs movie, the chances of a Sherlock Holmes sequel being made are already in jeopardy. In a recent interview on The Late Show With David Letterman Robert joked about…

Demi Moore is the world’s prettiest bag of bones in a designer outfit.

She is also the prettiest person married to Ashton Kutcher. So, will you guys bloomin’ stop saying that her skinny face and stunning body need to be Photoshopped to be fabulous? Because they don’t! Demi is even willing to sue over claims that her legs and torso were airbrushed for W magazine. She and her lawyers are chomping at the bit – but don’t worry, their anger isn’t really directed towards you.

Demi was caught in the middle of a really tiny scandal a few weeks back. It was about…

Sex and The City 2 will star a horse, a prude, a heartbreaker, a redhead, and a viking. It will also require unparalleled suspension of disbelief.That was our convoluted way of telling you that a truce has finally been called between the horses and the vikings and the two will be frolicking together on a screen near you, May 2010.

What do you mean we should put down the sauce and start being coherent? Oh, okay. Sarah Jessica Parker and the half-starved dungeon full of Mariah Carey’s cast-off PhotoShoppers will be working overtime on the new movie, part of which features the…

Jersey Shore should be on your radar. It should become your new addiction. It should fill the space that was left in your life when you gave up Chocolate Buttons.

You remember, you put that packet in your back pocket and they bloody melted all over your flippin’ iPod and you cursed the day you ever set eyes on their chocolaty goodness.

Where were we… oh yeah… Holy Guidos gone wild Batman. Hating Jersey Shore will become as much a part of your week as hating Danyl Johnson for being a cock is to ours.