Artist Makes 30′ Tall Naomi Campbell Fiberglass Army

The American founding fathers put several days of blood, sweat and tears into freeing themselves from their British captors, and when they finally succeeded they didn’t even do anything that good to celebrate.

Sure, they erected a French statue that they got for free to commemorate something or other, but is that really so great? Seriously – Lady Liberty’s not even straddling anything. If Britain were to re-enslave the States today, and America re-revolutionary warred themselves into the ultimate democracy, all resulting commemorations would be infinitely better.

For example, any statue erected today might be of Naomi Campbell straddling a tank cannon like it was a longer, narrower Shetland pony. You know – exactly like the statue some mildly famous artist is apparently planning to build.

Other than that everything would be the same though.

There’s been no shortage of celebrity-related statue stories on the ol’ HS. Britney Spears got one back when she was a fit mother. Fonzie got one long after Spears was a fit mother, and there’s the exact-lifelike Madonna statue Stu made out of used gum that he ogles every time he thinks he’s alone and the rest of us aren’t watching from behind the thin plastic tree in the break room.

Also there’s been no shortage of Naomi Campbell stories here either. There’s the time she broke a boat with her fists, the time she broke a maid or something with a phone, and there’s the time she probably broke her phone with her maid or something.

Never before have those two apparently common topics collided though – until now – somebody’s making a statue of her. Sorry, did we not pluralise statue? Because we should have – Nick Knight’s gonna make a whole bunch of ‘em. The Independent says:

“He scanned Campbell “straddling the barrel of a large tank” which will form one sculpture. Another will be a “circle of three Naomis, like The Three Graces”, but designed to be viewed from within the circle and in a darkened room.”

Standing in the middle of three gigantic Campbell’s is terrifying prospect for everybody but Hugo Chavez. Especially if they’re all pointing at you or something – imagine that?

Terrifying.