hecklerspray once knew a girl called – genuinely – Teresa Green. We used to make endless fun of her, until she let us feel up her top at Scott Parker’s 15th birthday party. Then we went back to making fun of the kids at the local Special School instead.
Could have been worse for poor old Teresa, though. She could have shared a name with a plastic-faced, deeply unnerving mythical music recluse who hasn’t made a good record in approximately twenty years. She could have been called Michael Jackson.
Of course… the very fact that a girl had been called Michael would be sufficient teasing ground in itself. But you get the idea.
Michael Jackson is – apparently – the fifth most popular name in America. So it was only really a matter of time before a few of these Jackos grouped together and began to grumble to each other about how they were being treated – i.e people sniggering at their name, offering them cans of Jesus Juice and conspicuously keeping their children at a safe distance.
And with that grumbling came the next logical step.
The 69 Michael Jacksons have decided that enough is enough. They want their chimp-loving namesake to start dishing out the compensatory cashflow. The group’s main spokesperson – unsurprisingly called Michael Jackson – claims:
"I’ve had to suffer constant jokes for decades, but in past years, as Mr Jackson has been involved in more and more controversy the joking has got more serious and vicious. When I meet people for the first time and tell them my name they don’t take me seriously anymore. It is very upsetting. I also believe I have failed to get several jobs because my name now carries negative connotations which have prejudiced my potential employers."
The case is soon to be launched through the California courts. Sources are indicating that the assembled Jacksons are determined to see this through, and simply "won’t stop until they get enough."
Oh, we have a right laugh, so we do…
[story by C J Davies]