Don’t go robbing anywhere if you’re about as scary as a Teddy Ruxpin lunchbox, not like two pillocks in America recently did.
What’s the worst thing that can happen to you during any given day? Spill your caffèllatte? Follow through on a fart? Get stabbed for jumping the bus queue? For two guys burglarising a post office in Oregon, U.S of A, it was having the entire branch of employees roll over laughing at them during their attempted ‘hold up’.
The dopey duo burst in with all guns not remotely blazing and promptly fumbled around more than a teenager waxing the dolphin. Apart from not being able to open a rudimentary folding knife, one of the gang apparently had a voice reminiscent of Big Gay Al from South Park.
‘Terrified’ post office employee Shirley Martin noted:
"He didn't have a serious voice to him. We thought he was kidding, so we were laughing back at him."
Nicole Luedtke, another employee facing a traumatic decade in stress counselling commented:
"We just didn't take them seriously. It was like having your kid brother come up with his cowboy and Indian thing."
When stifled hysteria ensued at their demands, the useless wannabe-badasses ran out of the post office quite possibly crying. One of the employees had even pretended to dial the police at what they thought was a prank pulled by their comedy assistant manager. These bandits must really have been lame. We’d hand over all our money if a crippled old lady armed with a toothbrush asked us.
Though with all this pseudo-criminal tomfoolery the joke isn’t on the two hapless thieves at all. Despite them being as thick as shit and about as sinister as breast feeding, the police still haven’t flippin’ caught them yet.
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***** says
are you kidding did this really happen!