Last week, it was revealed that Pete Davidson got not one, but TWO tattoos dedicated to his girlfriend to two weeks, Ariana Grande, including her initials on his thumb.
I automatically thought “Man, these two dumb fucks are going to be engaged by the end of the month, probably elope by the end of the summer, and have that shit annulled by Christmas.” Well, apparently my mental celebrity dream board is coming true, because these two fucktards are apparently engaged.
Just in case you forgot, Pete and Ariana started dating in late May. It is June the fucking 11th. I kind of feel like if you buy a carton of milk on the day you start dating someone, then that person asks you to marry them before that carton of milk has expired, you should probably say no. But hey, that’s just me.
Multiple sources are saying Pete and Ariana are super in love and planning on having a long engagement, meanwhile I’m over here wondering who keeps letting stupid 24-year-olds make serous life decisions like this?
Seriously, I should not have been allowed to make a single important decision about my life before the age of 26. 90% of your life choices before that age are going to be stupid. This is the problem with Hollywood kids like Ariana, they get rich young and their parents let them do whatever they want to keep that cash flow coming. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO BRITNEY AND JAMIE LYNN SPEARS! Soon Ariana will have back-t0-back babies, severe postpartum, and be bald!
And don’t come at me for making a joke about postpartum, because I currently have severe postpartum and I’m just trying to save Ariana from the suffering I am currently going through.
But in all seriousness, I hope if Ariana and Pete do get married that her annoying ass brother Frankie officiates the ceremony and Nicki Minaj is her maid of honor. Would pay to see tbh.