Baffingly-hyped success story Arctic Monkeys – officially the world’s most mediocre band – may have shot themselves in their silly simian feet.
During a homecoming show at the Sheffield Octagon, lead muppet Alex Turner decided that it would be a good move to tell the assembled Monkey-loving crowd to "fuck off."
Ironic, really. That’s exactly what hecklerspray shouts whenever one of the Arctic’s sub-standard Kwik Save Pulp b-side ‘tunes’ starts playing within a fifty foot vicinity of the office.
The reason for Turner’s outburst? The crowd had apparently dared to request a song.
Arctic Monkeys (CDs) had recently bumbled through a Radio 1 session, you see, wherein they churned out a cover version of Girls Aloud hit Love Machine – thereby turning a silly lightweight pop song into yet another drab slice of half-arsed tedium.
As the crowd hollered for the band to play the cover version – presumably thinking "Jesus, anything to stop them playing their own godforsaken material" – Turner stamped his feet and yelled:
"Is that all you like us for? Fuck off, we can’t remember how to play it."
After finishing this charming banter, the group later debuted a ‘new’ song of theirs (perhaps there was some sort of scientific method of verifying this; they pretty much all sound identical to us) called Leave Before The Lights Come On.
When the crowd proved distinctly underwhelmed – maybe they’d all come to their collective senses and decided to go home and listen to the new Mark Lanegan/Isobel Campbell album instead – Turner responded:
"Fucking hell, don’t sound so enthusiastic, we’ll get back to the classics afterwards."
Classics? Hmm. It’s worth noting that – for a group portrayed as being so resolutely fan-friendly and ‘down to earth’ – success may well be inflating Arctic Monkeys’ vapid little heads at a somewhat alarming rate. Maybe this could spark a turn in the tide of public support – a fitting outcome for a band who believe that referencing Shelagh Delaney plays is big and clever a full twenty-three years after Morrissey was doing it (with infinitely more verve and panache, we might add).
The worst thing about this whole charade is that poptabulous guitar-geeks Maximo Park were originally scheduled to headline the gig, stepping aside to let the Arctics take their place – kind of like Patti Smith making leeway for KT Tunstall, i.e. wrong, wrong, wrong.
Now – the big question. Should Girls Aloud reciprocate by doing a cover of an Arctic Monkeys tune?
On second thoughts … no. Some things are just too hideous to even think about.
Read More:
Arctic Monkeys heckled at homecoming show – Gigwise
[story by C J Davies]
Ryan Ward says
What a load of bollocks – probably the most pathetic article i’ve ever read.
I was at the gig, the crowd never requested love machine, Alex Turner played the first notes of the tune to which the crowd greeted with a cheer – then followed the ‘fuck off, thats all you want us for’ JOKE – Your article couldn’t be further off the mark. What a load of shite
CJDavies says
Well, Ryan. I have to say that the fresh and incisive revelation contained within your comment has left me absolutely, absolutely dumbfounded and speechless.
I mean … you actually PAID MONEY to see Arctic Monkeys?
Snoop Dogg says
I didn’t realise Shelagh Delaney wrote Saturday Night and SUnday Morning you pretentious cock
And the Arctic Monkeys are a great band. I should know
Simon says
This article could not be more full of shit.
If you don’t like them, then go ahead and don’t like them, but don’t pull any of this bollocks. Try writing an article that you didn’t pull out of your arse. If you like Maximo Park and yet don’t understand exactly why people are excited by the Arctic Monkeys – congratulations, you are exactly what is wrong with music.
Jamie says
Worst article i think i have ever read, tedious and so opposite of the truth congratulations for the worst article award, apart from the exagerated views it was poorly written aswell. microcosm of your own ass bodes well. shocking… dont give up the day job. p.s crap
luca says
come on mate thats rubbish and you know it is
w/e says
nothing like net critics thinking they’re king shit. no need to be jealous of a little success.
Street Monkey says
Sounds a bit like… ‘I’ve been playing my guitar in my bedroom for 4 years, an i don’t have a record contract… boo hoo… better nay-say someone else’s success!!’ Well done CJ Davies, you are the pettiest person ever!
Kaity says
I was also at the gig and Alex’s banter with the crowd was witty and complimented the amazing lyrics. Everyone in the crowd was hotly anticpating the monkey’s performance and as they were in their home town and are of equal status in the music industry to Maximo Park then I thought it was great they had the opportunity to headline.
andrew fraser says
my bellend smells better than their album sounds, and my dick stinks of my flatmates erse
Derek Hoodless says
I fink da Arctic Munkys album is we11 gd! Dey r well tlntd. Da singr is 2 hot 2 b tru!!! Da othr bois r well hot 2. Iv got a postr of dem on my wall! I wnk ovr it. Ever1 shd buy there album. I lv them soooooo much!!!!
andrew fraser says
Is Alex single BTW? He wouldnt be single once I’d finished with him cos i’d split him in two.
Oh and James Blunt rulz!
Gay pride
dude says
CJ, I’m curious about what you think of them now. They’ve got a little body of work (1st album, EP, non-album single, 2nd album, the b-sides associated w/the singles) and there’s been a pattern, in the reading I’ve done, of people having initially responded to them with resentment, seemingly because of the ugliness of the degree of hype that attended their appearance upon the scene. Most think that they’ve turned an interesting corner w/this new record, particularly; there seems to be an indication of a certain amount of dimension there. Where are you at w/regard to them at the moment?
shwilly says
I know they’re being overly hyped, especially in the UK, but does it matter? I mean, I didn’t like their first single and when I saw more and more bubblegumpop magazines with their zitty faces on the cover, announcing them as the saviors of rock music I went on “auto-bash mode”. But then I heard the album… and they just sound great, and apparently a lot of people feel that way. The article wouldn’t have botherd me if it were a bit funnier, but it’s not, and the only thing I can agree on is the bit about Mark Lanegan’s fine new album
kate says
Check out The Shins album “Wincing the NIght Away” if you want great..not a member of the band, just saying..
Robbie says
The writer of this article has shown him/herself to be a very resentful, bitter, cynical old bastard. Maximo park have nothing on the Arctic Monkeys ability to create great songs. The writers attempt to skew and portray the very inoffensive Alex Turner as an egotistic arse-hole don’t wash with me. Im only responding to this article in hope that the writer reads this, so I say to you… fuck off with your bullshit opinion!!!!
Matt says
Oh, C J Davies… YOU FUCKING COCK. What a load of bollocks your article is. It’s now July 2008 and the band have released brilliant albums and won loads of awards. They’re now working on their 3rd album.
Long live Arctic Monkeys!!
UP YOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Epic Fail says
CJ Davies i feel bad for you and this article.
you EPICLY failed.