Rihanna used to be one of the baddest bitches in the music industry. From her relationship to her videos, her love of weed and her hatred of pants, she used to be a media darling that tabloids and gossip blogs alike couldn’t get enough of; now it seems like no one really gives a fuck how high or naked she is. Is Rihanna’s whole “good girl gone bad” shtick played out?
Every time you’re standing in line in the grocery store, turn on an entertainment news show, or go on a celebrity gossip blog, like this one, the number one thing you’re seeing nowadays is Miley Cyrus. It’s sad, but true. She was once the ultimate good girl, Hannah Montana, but now she’s singing about doing drugs, talking about her love of weed in interviews, hangin’ with urban folk, and barely wears any clothes.
My skanky 19-year-old sister wears more to the beach than Miley wears to church with Billy Ray, for Christ’s sake! But while everyone is getting busy being shocked by Miley’s behavior, they’re forgetting about the pop star who’s been pulling all this crap for years and actually used to get attention for it: Rihanna.
While Miley was busy riding around on a wrecking ball and embarrassing herself by trying to twerk with that pancake skinny white girl ass of hers, Rihanna released a video for her god awful song, “Pour it up.” In the video, Rihanna doesn’t just look like a stripper, she actually IS a stripper. Working the pole, nipples covered with some diamonds, and giving the world this gem of an image:
If you look closely, you can tell that yes, Rihanna does bleach her asshole. This video is legitimately one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen, and, as my grandma would say, Rihanna looks like a real harlot (my grandmother really did say that. She’s seen the video, she loves Rihanna, but she was not impressed by this). I don’t know what was in worst taste: Rihanna making this video, or Chris Brown agreeing to be featured on a song called “Beat It.”
I can’t say I’m all that surprised that Rihanna made this dumb ass video, though. As far as I can tell from her Instagram, she never sleeps and she’s always stoned, and being stoned all the time makes you do all sorts of dumb shit. In the 11th grade, I did a science fair project titled “How warm is dirt?” In reality, my project should’ve been called “How smoking too much weed effects high school science fair projects”, but I digress,
Speaking of Rihanna’s Instagram, if you go on her account, you’ll get hundreds of pictures of her topless, bottomless, or getting high. She recently went to a zoo in Africa with no pants on. Who thinks to themselves “Going to a zoo in Africa, what should I wear? This t-shirt, these thigh high boots, annnnnd, yeah no, that’s good.” When Rihanna sang “Where have you been all my life?” I’m 99% sure she was talking about her pants.
The funny thing is, none of this behavior is really getting her any attention anymore. Rihanna showing us close up shots of her under boob and ass cheeks is old news. We’ve seen. Like a million times. We get it. Whereas with someone like Miley, we’re so used to the Disney image of her, that her stealing Rihanna’s bit actually is pretty scandalous.
Rihanna isn’t getting anywhere by just upping her bad girl game, if she wants the public to pay attention to her she’s going to have to change it up a bit. Maybe put some pants on. Maybe become a born again Christian. I don’t know, but I’m basically over what she’s putting out there. Like her latest song says, “What now?”
(P.S. that song sucks. In fact every song off of “Unapologetic”, aside from “Stay,” makes me jealous of that deaf chick in Children of a Lesser God. So maybe that’s the problem…)