It’s a good thing that Justin Bieber has those puppydog eyes and that suspiciously sentient-looking haircut.

He doesn’t seem very bright, does he? Just days after appearing to not know what the word ‘German’ means – even though he was looking at a card with the word ‘German’ written on it while a man repeated it over and over again to him – Justin Bieber has used an interview with Oprah Winfrey to divulge another gap in his knowledge. That’s right, Justin Bieber has told Oprah Winfrey that he doesn’t understand why young girls scream at him so hysterically whenever they seem him.

Fortunately, there’s a relatively simple answer to this. We’ve conducted a number of scientific and sociological investigations into this phenomenon, and the results speak for themselves. The reason, Justin Bieber, why young girls scream so hysterically whenever they see you is because they’re all idiots. To repeat, they’re all idiots.

We were just joking back then, by the way, about Justin Bieber using his Oprah interview to list all the things he doesn’t understand. That would be ridiculous. Television just wasn’t designed to tackle issues as deep and wide-ranging as Things That Justin Bieber Doesn’t Understand. True, there’s ‘What Does The Word German Mean?’ and ‘Why Do Girls Scream At Me?’ – but there’s also ‘What Is A Zip?’, ‘What Are Your Knees For?’ and ‘If You Take A Photo Of Someone At The Same Time That They Take A Photo Of You, Why Doesn’t The World Explode?’. It would literally never end.

So instead Justin Bieber just concentrated on not understanding why girls scream at him when he appeared on Oprah. To his credit, he did try to untangle the mystery himself, as ABC News reports:

“It’s pretty hard to comprehend. Like everything’s just kind of surreal,” Bieber said, in an interview on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”. Asked why he thinks teen girls are screaming and crying when they see him, he said: “I have no clue!”

Oh Justin Bieber, you poor lamb. To be fair, we don’t understand why girls scream and cry as soon as they see you either. But nevertheless, let’s posit some theories on the matter:

1 - Girls scream at Justin Bieber because he’s currently the youngest and cutest pop singer around, and he will be for at least the next three weeks.

2 - Girls scream at Justin Bieber because they’re scared that his haircut will leap off his head and bite them.

3 - Girls scream at Justin Bieber to drown out the sound of all his horrible songs about text messages.

4 - Girls scream at Justin Bieber because they don’t realise that they’re naught but unwitting pawns in the cynical machinations of his record company’s marketing department.

5 - Girls scream at Justin Bieber because they don’t realise that, as the youngest and coolest pop sensation out there, this guy is far more deserving of their screams.

You’re welcome, Justin Bieber. If you need help with anything else, you know where we are.

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Tagged as: Justin Bieber, Oprah Winfrey