British teatime is a sacred institution where everyone around the country stops what they’re doing and eats a crumpet with their mother.

Teatime is a tradition to be protected. Specifically, it is a tradition to be protected from fuzzy-chopped ginger pensioners inviting men to grope at their breasts on TV like they’re starring in some sort of horrendous paraphilic infantilism porno movie.

Readers, you aren’t the only ones to be physically repulsed by the idea of that. Anne Robinson let some wine-tasting bloke grab her boobies on an episode of The Weakest Link recently, and 16 intrepid viewers phoned the BBC to complain. 16 doesn’t sound like a lot, but it’s thought that only 16 people got through the incident without going blind or mad or throwing themselves through the nearest window.