Ah, Harvard’s Hasty Pudding Theatrical Woman Of The Year award. What an illustrious tradition that is.

It has it all. Braying, over-privileged idiots. Transvestism. Sycophantic brown-nosing disguised as critical ridicule. Toe-curling awkwardness around women. Not much else. Yes, the Harvard Hasty Pudding Theatrical Woman Of The Year award has it all.

And this year the award went to Anne Hathaway, who doesn’t even have a film to plug or anything. Except for the one that’s coming out in two weeks. And the one that’s coming out in five weeks. Nope, Anne Hathaway is doing this for love and love alone.

Awards season is now in full swing and, by now, it seems perfectly clear that Avatar is going to win everything. And rightly so – what would you rather watch, a film about a blue Jesus alien flying around on a bird that looks like an angry fish, or some old black and white Michael Haneke nonsense about some sad-looking children being sad in black and white? The alien thing, obviously. That’s why Avatar will win every single award going this year.

Well, maybe not every single award. It’s not going to win the Harvard Hasty Pudding Theatrical Woman Of The Year, for three reasons - 1) it isn’t a woman, 2) it’s already made billions of dollars so it doesn’t need to lower itself to sitting in a room full of whinnying upper-class millionaire ninnies dressed up as pantomime dames to give itself exposure, and 3) Anne Hathaway won it yesterday.

Yes, following in the footsteps of Scarlett Johansson and a bunch of other people from years when we could find more important things to write about, Anne Hathaway has been named as the Hasty Pudding Woman Of The Year, either for her lasting and impressive contribution to the world of entertainment, or for the fact that her ex-boyfriend literally tried to rob God, or for the way that she takes her top off in quite a lot of films and nobody in the Hasty Pudding theatrical society has ever seen a real pair of boobs before.

But no matter. Here’s how the Boston Herald reported Anne’s award acceptance:

“Did I mention that I can sing? I can. Just in case you couldn’t tell that from the Oscars and the episode of ‘The Simpsons,’ ” Hathaway crooned. Vintage WOTY “Liza Minnelli” also made an appearance toward the end of the skit… The former NYU English major then recited a lengthy poem thanking the Pudding peeps for the Hasty hoedown.

Gosh, it almost makes you wish you were there, doesn’t it? Sadly we weren’t able to attend Anne Hathaway’s ceremony, because we were too busy doing something a little more tolerable – repeatedly driving metal chisels into our cheekbones.

But, hey, the fun isn’t over yet – next week Justin Timberlake will be awarded the Hasty Pudding Man Of The Year award, too. Fingers crossed that some more important news happens next week, eh?

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