You always know what you’re getting with a new Tim Burton film – Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, resignation that the movie won’t be as good as Edward Scissorhands.
But one thing you you don’t get is big-faced actresses in the middle of slightly humiliating personal meltdowns. Well, you do now, because Anne Hathaway has just signed up to star in Tim Burton’s new adaptation of Alice In Wonderland.
In Alice In Wonderland, Anne Hathaway will play the White Queen – a pretty young woman who looks a bit stupid because her boyfriend pretended to be chums with the Pope to con strangers out of millions of dollars and then ended up in jail because of it. We have no idea why Tim Burton wanted Anne Hathaway for the role.
Anne Hathaway needs to take her mind off everything at the moment. Sure, she might be earning some Oscar buzz for her turn in Rachel Getting Married – primarily, from what we can tell, for looking a bit sad in a movie filmed on a handheld camera where everyone mumbles a lot – but that hasn’t stopped people talking about her personal life.
It wasn’t so long ago that Anne Hathaway split up with her boyfriend Rafaello Follieri right before he was arrested for defrauding people by playing up his connections to the Vatican in a dodgy property scam. Even now, during the promotion for Rachel Getting Married, Anne Hathaway only gets asked questions about what it’s like to have a big wanker for a boyfriend.
So it’s only natural for Anne Hathaway to want to get away from all that – and she’s planning to do that by starring in Tim Burton’s new Alice in Wonderland movie – a movie that will also star Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp. And nobody else. Probably. BBC News reports:
Anne Hathaway and Helena Bonham Carter are to star in Tim Burton’s Disney version of Alice in Wonderland, according to US media. The Hollywood Reporter says Brokeback Mountain star Hathaway will play the White Queen while Burton’s fiancee Bonham Carter will play the Red Queen. Burton’s take on Lewis Carroll’s novel is slated for release in March 2010.
It almost seems as if Anne Hathaway is deliberately trying to make as many different films as she can. She’s done kid’s films, romantic comedies, indie movies, arthouse movies, summer comedies and, in Havoc, badly-advised movies about nothing where she got to take off her top and pretend to have a wank. And now she’s doing a Gothic fantasy adaptation of a beloved novel.
Wonderful – that only leaves straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal action movies and porn on Anne Hathaway’s movie genre checklist. And we do love Steven Seagal. But what’s Alice in Wonderland actually going to be like?
Well, since Alice in Wonderland is a Tim Burton movie that stars Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, it’s probably fair to describe it as Charlie And The Chocolate Factory but without all the boring parts where people break into song for no reason. Or, if you’re feeling kinder, Sweeney Todd but without all the boring parts where people break into song for no reason. Or, if you’re feeling kinder still, The Corpse Bride but without all the boring parts where people break into song for no reason.
Unless in Alice In Wonderland people do break into song for no reason. In which case we’re all buggered.
J Bollocks says
A modicum of research shows that Alice was aged about 8yr old in “Alice in …”. How the hell does that fit in with Anne H aged 40yrs or so?
Unless they’re doing the “Alice” the XXX version, and I think I’ve already seen that one.
PS you should see all the Bonham-Carter man-fans lining up here to kill themselves, “Love Unrequited”
KATY says
This is a horrible article. It offends Tim Burton films which are the best ever!! This article sucksssss! Glad anne will be in it though. I cant wait for it!
Miss K says
Stupid stupid reporterr…
This will be a great film.
Just because u have no sense in culture(musicals)
lamo
Hannibal'sWitness says
Wow, someone is very cynical today, hm?
If you’ve ever seen the movie “Hannibal,” then you might remember the line Lecter says in the movie at the end which shows Hannibal on an airplane seated next to a kid. The kid wants to try the cannibal’s food, and Hannibal basically tells him that his mother always told him it was important to try new things.
The relevance of this?
Well, you criticised Hathaway’s “exploration” of movie genres. You may disagree, but I always find that the best actors/actresses are the creative ones that aren’t afraid to try new roles and do something different. Some people like the actors that basically make the same movie over and over and over again (like the millions of Keira Knightly romance movies and Eddie Murphy comedies). BORING!
So if Hathaway wants to challenge herself and actually, you know, ACT, then why not?
A good actor is someone who can rise to the challenge and overcome obstacles. Depp and Bonham-Carter are good actors(well, actress in Bonham-Carter’s case) and they are creative. Burton is attracted to their energy and creativity. I don’t blame him for using Depp for a lot of movies. The fact that Depp and Bonham-Carter had never really sung a day in their lives, (at least seriously) and they learned how to sing for the movie Sweeny Todd, and did a pretty good job considering, tells you something.
I’m not really into musicals myself, but don’t snub a good thing because you cannot understand it. Difference is what matters. Afterall, why pay 8 bucks to see the same boring slasher/romance/comedy movie every month? At least with Burton you don’t constantly see boobs, gore, ass, and car explosions.
Ah, just give the Alice movie a chance. Don’t knock it unless you’ve tried it.
I will agree with you on one thing, though: Pirates 3 was ridiculous! That movie was like Spiderman 3: 5 bzillion messy, confusing plotlines and a bunch of the same old crap from the other movies multiplied into incoherency.
Anderson says
First off:
J Bollocks – Did you read the article? Hathaway plays the “white queen” not Alice. Dur! I bet you felt snappy with your comment, too.
Secondly:
Mr. Heritage – I don’t remember “people break[ing] into song for no reason” in Tim Burton’s Charlie And The Chocolate Factory. If you watched a film with Gene Wilder than its not a Tim Burton film, but maybe you got confused because you saw Nick Willing’s made-for-TV movie Alice In Wonderland, in which Gene wilder plays Mock Turtle and you though you were getting a sneak peak at the new film…which you weren’t.
Farah says
I think its awesome that Tim Burton is making this movie. The cartoon was already kinda twisted and weird but he will really spice it up for us. And how perfect is it the Helena is playing the Red Queen! Come on now..
And lets just face it, anything is good with Johnny Depp in it. Plus I heard that Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie might be starring in the new Batman movie???
Could it be more appealing that that? Even if the movie sucks I would just watch those two standing in trash bags for 2 hrs!
Tom says
I cannot stand anne hathaway, all she has are big boobs, and no acting ability. Needless to say, she looks like a fucking whore on crack, unattractive at the very most. Any movies she’s in becomes completely ruined.
J Bollocks says
Anderson, you’re quite right, usually I drift off after a sentence or two. On the other hand, it does lead to some interesting comments.
Finally, yes, I had thought that was one of my better comments, still Heckler S never bothers with reality so why should I?
Law says
omfg wow they def. did sing in charlie and the chocolate factory either u had 2 piss alot or the oompa-loompas are invisible because singing was basicly all they ever did and second he never said that anne plays alice he said she plays the white queen your either stupid or you need to get a computer that isin’t broken
you can’t explain stupidity and when you try too you look even more stupid then you already do (lookin’ like a fool with your pants on the ground) lol
Lizzie says
This article is CRAP! Tim Burtons films are the best. Obvioulsy your brain isn’t as developed enough to apperciate the artisic and logical ideas of his films. Go sit down and watch nightmare before Christmas and eat a cookie…lol and stop sticking a broom up your butt.