Anna Nicole Smith, our favourite blonde train wreck, really isn’t as dumb as she looks. After marrying a multi-millionaire with one and a half feet in the grave, shamelessly exploiting her body (even when she was portly and really should not have been doing so), and the reality programme The Anna Nicole Show that took us to new levels of abhorrence, we can conclusively say that she is actually dumber than she looks.
The latest item of proof is the questionable paternity of her daughter, Dannielynn, who was born in the Bahamas three months ago. The two gents up for the illustrious title of father are Nicole’s former flame, photographer Larry Birkhead, and her long-time attorney, Howard K. Stern. The ‘K’ either stands for Kreepy or Krusty… we go back and forth trying to decide. Larry Blockhead claims he is the baby’s rightful father, but Anna insists it’s Stern, with whom she exchanged drunken vows with on September 28, 2006 in the Bahamas. Anyway, such has been the level of Anna Nicole Smith's paternity test freakout that a judge has decided to postpone it.
Scary Larry Birkhead is so sure that he’s the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter that he’s been relentlessly trying to get a paternity test mandated by the court. "I just want to see my child," he said, proving his motives are pure, and that he isn’t just trying to cash in on his 15 nanoseconds of fame. Birkhead’s lawyer, Debra Opri, reportedly told the judge that all Smith would have to do is to "get out of bed, put on a robe, and answer the front door". Ah, but therein lies the problem… she’ll have to get out of bed, put on a robe, and answer the front door. Maybe on a good day she could do two out of the three. Officials should be on their toes when at the house because she’s likely to mistakenly give them her tiny pooch, Sugar Pie, instead of the infant.
Team Birkhead almost succeeded in getting the test done after an LA County Superior Court judge set January 23 as the deadline by which Anna Nicole had to have the test performed. However, Anna Nicole’s sketchy minions aka her lawyers found a loophole to delay the test. It has something to do with the ruling not being okay’d by a judge in the Bahamas, blah, blah, blah… In the meantime, the harder the test is resisted, the more everybody wonders exactly what Anna Nicole Smith has to hide.
What a lovely bedtime story for Dannielynn! Mommy was so promiscuous that she didn’t know who your daddy was, and had to hire lots of greasy lawyers to keep it under wraps. We’re waiting for the soap opera shocking twist that the baby’s father isn’t either one of these dudes.
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Stay Kern says
It’s been delayed a week. What’s the point of such a short delay? Maybe Anna’s taking her baby to have all its skin, blood, hair and saliva replaced. Take that DNA testing prcedures
omid says
hello anna. how are you?
i am very very love you
please for me send photos
thank you
Greg says
If you shake a bag of rocks you would probably hear more intellectual sounds coming from the bag than if you were to hear “K’s” blonde pet rock speak..