What a lot of people don't know about death is it takes place on a giant playground. On the one side you have the living, all lined up side by side and hand in hand. On the other side you have the dead, also lined up hand in hand. The two groups just stand there staring at each other, plotting and planning.
That being the case, Steve Irwin probably just yelled out "Red rover red rover send Anna on over" – now that's Anna Nicole Smith mind you. She ran over with all her might, but simply couldn't break their grip, thus getting stuck eternally on the team of the dead angels. And now that Anna Nicole Smith is dead, it's time to see what a bunch of people said as a tribute.
Anna Nicole Smith collapsed and died in her hotel room yesterday. A nurse that had been with her called for help, but to no avail – Smith passed soon after. A lot of people are deeply saddened by the startling news. In the immediate aftermath of the news, Anna Nicole Smith's attorney Ronald Rale said of her passing:
"I can confirm that she is deceased. It's as shocking to me as to you guys".
A pretty close behind Hugh Hefner said:
"I am very saddened to learn about Anna Nicole's passing. She was a dear friend who meant a great deal to the Playboy family and to me personally."
The family of Anna Nicole Smith's dead oil billionaire husband J Howard Marshall:
"Our family was shocked by the untimely death of Anna Nicole Smith. We wish to express our sympathies to her family in this difficult time."
Michael McGraw from animal rights group PETA:
"She was a great friend to animals and used every opportunity to speak out against senseless cruelty. … It is a tragedy when anyone passes away before their time, but with Anna Nicole, animals have lost a true hero and PETA has lost a good friend."
Jeff Shore from E! Studios, makers of The Anna Nicole Smith Show:
"For those of us who worked closely with Anna Nicole and got to know the woman behind the public persona, this is devastating news. She was a sweet person who adored her son, made us laugh and cry with her, and who was never afraid of what others may have thought of her. There will never be another like her, and I already miss her."
It's still early days yet, so we can expect more Anna Nicole Smith tributes in the future from her boyfriend Howard K Stern, his DNA paternity-rival Larry Birkhead and Bono, who will no doubt call Anna Nicole Smith the Elvis Presley of pharmaceutically-assisted softcore pornography or something equally ridiculous.
But let us not grieve for Anna Nicole Smith, for on that, the other side of the deathly divide, she has no doubt been reunited with her sweet son who passed only recently himself. She's no doubt prancing fancifully behind her old cripple husband and his motorised ghost-wheelchair, and by now she's probably wondering why the Muslim bible never bothered to mention heaven's glorious fountains of candy that are spurting forth from every cloud. Oh the things she now knows. Godspeed you Anna Nicole Smith, you will be missed.
And by the by, Trimspa's flowers were really from us. If you could just let people up there know we're cool like that…
Read More:
Dan Teetree says
When’s it appropriate to start making ANS jokes anyway? I’m guessing not that long.
bob hope says
therterthyert i an sory abot anana nicooldele
Gilbert Wham says
“the Elvis Presley of pharmaceutically-assisted softcore pornography”. Man, I would kill for such a sobriquet.