When you're the star of several softcore pornography videos and you died without telling anyone who the father of your baby is, things sure do move fast – as the recent wriggling over the Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy DNA tests are proving.
It only seems like yesterday that a judge in the Bahamas ruled that Dannielynn Hope, the baby daughter of Anna Nicole Smith and one of any number of men, should submit a sample of DNA to help clear up the whole paternity mess that's been going on for six months now. That's because it did only happen yesterday, dummy – but since then all manner of goings-on have been reported. Apparently Anna Nicole Smith's baby has already been swabbed for DNA and Larry Birkhead has dumped off as much DNA as he can spare to help prove that he's the real father of Dannielynn Hope. Meanwhile Howard K Stern, the man who – according to Dannielynn's birth certificate – totally did it with Anna Nicole Smith, has been keeping himself busy by launching an appeal against the DNA order and cackling maniacally at the ceiling. We assume.
Those people hoping that everyone would shut up about Anna Nicole Smith after they finally decided to bury her have had a rough week. What with all the televised tributes after Anna Nicole Smith died and the constant legal battles over what to do with Anna Nicole's carcass, you'd have thought that people would have had their fill of Anna Nicole Smith – but this week it all reared up again.
It started when we heard that one of Anna Nicole Smith's non-crying judges was busted for pot smoking at the weekend, but that news was blown out of the water when a judge in the Bahamas yesterday ordered the go-ahead of DNA paternity testing on Dannielynn Hope, Anna Nicole Smith's orphan daughter. This was obviously good news for Larry Birkhead – he's been claiming to be Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy since Dannielynn dropped – but less good news for Howard K Stern who, although named as Dannielynn's father on her birth certificate, has been resisting a DNA paternity test for months now.
But things have been moving fast since the ruling. Eager to discover if he's the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, Larry Birkhead has already apparently submitted his DNA for testing – and Dannielynn Hope is thought to have done the same. Don't get too excited about discovering who the father is, though; Howard K Stern is going all out to mire things up with an appeal, as E! Online rounds-up:
MSNBC said that Stern, who is listed as Dannielynn's father on her birth certificate, took the six-month-old to a doctor's office in the Bahamas Wednesday and, although a court-imposed gag order prevents the various factions from discussing the case publicly, the general consensus is that the baby girl was on the scene so that a mouth swab could be taken. Larry Birkhead also visited the same doctor's office Wednesday morning to submit his own DNA, according to TMZ.com. Stern is exempt from testing for now because, since he's on the birth certificate, he's daddy until proven otherwise. At the same time, legal sources close to the tangled web said that Stern's attorneys were drawing up papers to object to Justice Stephen Isaacs' ruling. However, Stern's appeal will probably not be heard until next week and, according to MSNBC, the results from the DNA tests could be ready as early as Friday.
So by tomorrow we might know who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is. Unless Howard K Stern holds it all up with his appeal, which is scheduled to be heard on Monday. Which, again, is the day that medical officers are expected to announce the official cause of Anna Nicole Smith's death. Monday is going to be a day of non-stop, all-out Anna Nicole Smith-related fun, we can feel it.
Seriously, if this hadn't been tediously rumbling on for a month longer that it should have done, we'd be almost excited about it.
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