Of of the advantages of having a petty elongated battle over a pornstar's corpse is that it can't go on for too long because the body starts decomposing and smelling bad – that's what the parties in the Anna Nicole Smith body-battle are discovering.
Anna Nicole Smith's live-in lawyer lover Howard K Stern has been fighting with Anna Nicole Smith's estranged mother Virgie Arthur over where to bury Anna Nicole Smith pretty much since the instant she dropped dead on a hotel floor earlier this month, but the judge in charge of proceedings has said that he'll reach a decision by tomorrow because of the speed in which Anna Nicole Smith is decomposing. Following that it'll just be the burial, the DNA paternity test results and news about the inevitable Hollywood biopic and then we'll stop writing about Anna Nicole Smith forever, honest.
Ever since Anna Nicole Smith died on February 8, things have moved at quite a speed. Although during her life Anna Nicole was happy to bumble around letting people guess if she was pregnant or not, hanging around the US Supreme Court waiting for someone to hand her millions of a dead man's dollars or half get married to someone but not quite, in death things have ticked along nicely.
Immediately after Anna Nicole Smith's death, possible Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy Larry Birkhead issued an emergency paternity hearing before most people had croaked out their tributes. Then just about every man in the world realised they could be the father of Dannielynn Hope Smith and Howard K Stern was banned from leaving the Bahamas with the baby. Not so easily resolved, though, is the Anna Nicole Smith corpse-fight.
To sum up, Howard K Stern wants Anna Nicole Smith to be buried in the Bahamas, Virgie Arthur wants her to be buried in Texas and Larry Birkhead just wants some of that delicious DNA. But they can't fight for too long, because every second that they can't decide on a burial site is another second that Anna Nicole Smith moulds up, as CBS reports:
Circuit Judge Larry Seidlin has set a self-imposed Friday morning deadline to issue a decision in the case… Seidlin said he has no time to waste since the county's chief medical examiner warned again that a decision needs to be made soon before Smith's body becomes too decomposed for a public viewing. "I got a gun to my head," he said. Seidlin indicated at the start of testimony Wednesday that he wanted to reach a compromise agreement, but it was unclear what that might be.
As far as we can see, there are two options for a compromise here – both Virgie Arthur and Howard K Stern have said that Anna Nicole Smith wanted to be buried in the same Los Angeles cemetery as Marilyn Monroe, which is the closest they've come to agreeing on anything so far, or – as one of our esteemed readers suggested – it might be time to get the circular saw and splatter guard out. Either way, we'll know soon enough.
We know what you're thinking, by the way – why has Anna Nicole Smith's body decomposed so fast? She's been dead for two weeks and she needs to be buried, but James Brown's corpse hung in there for close to two months before things got that bad. The answer, of course, is Florida. Anna Nicole Smith died in Florida where it's generally warmer and more decomposey than where James Brown died. To think, this whole fight could have stretched on for weeks if only Anna Nicole Smith didn't die in a place so humid that it gave Lindsay Lohan asthma once.
Read more:
fafafafafafafa says
This situation is precisely why the wishbone was created
meme08 says
i think they should just let that gir; boyfriend bury her because she and her mom was not even speaking at the time they had not spoke for a long time anyway
so they need not let her do that know shes tryin to act all concern she dont even care really she just want some money but i dont think shes
going to get none…………………………………………………………