Anna Nicole Smith's motto throughout her time on earth was always "live fast, die young, leave a slightly bloated corpse and also have a baby that any number of men could have fathered, frankly" and did she ever live that motto to the letter.

Even though Anna Nicole Smith has been dead for ages – and buried for moderately less than ages – nobody still has the slightest clue about who Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy is. And now that the paternity case over baby Dannielynn Hope rests in the hands of the crazy Bahamas law, Larry Birkhead wants to back up his paternity case – and the only way he'll be getting to do that is if Howard K Stern submits a DNA sample. Larry Birkhead's legal representatives have told Howard K Stern to "put up or shut up" even though scientists have stated that the likelihood of anybody even indirectly involved with Anna Nicole Smith ever shutting up about it any time before the Sun expands and swallows up our planet is approximately zero.

It's completely subjective, of course, but there's a strong argument that Anna Nicole Smith was the Scary Clown-Faced Pharmaceutically-Aided Star Of Softcore Pornography Of Our Hearts, and the sudden realisation that we'd never see any more opportunistic oil billionaire-marrying or confusing fake marriages on boats is why it hurt so much when Anna Nicole Smith died last month. But in passing Anna Nicole Smith left us the greatest gift of all – no, not Dannielynn Hope, we mean the gift of endless legal confusion.

So far there has been a fight about where to bury Anna Nicole Smith – a fight that ended when a sobbing judge said Anna Nicole Smith should be buried next to her dead son in what is quickly becoming The Bahamas' creepiest theme park. And now everyone can focus on the battle over Anna Nicole Smith's money daughter. In short, Howard K Stern says he's the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, but Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead says he's the father too along with every man alive.

There has been a lot of fuss made about getting a DNA paternity test on Dannielynn Hope, but Howard K Stern has always resisted this. But now lawyers for Larry Birkhead have asked a California judge to demand a DNA sample from Howard Stern as ABC reports:

Attorney Debra Opri, who represents Smith's former boyfriend Larry Birkhead, said after a closed hearing that she wants the DNA to determine if Stern is the baby's father. His name is on the little girl's birth certificate. "Put up or shut up, that's what we're asking for," Opri said outside court. Superior Court Judge Robert Schnider refused to make Stern a part of the paternity court action but said he would review the matter in two weeks after he considers the law more closely… Opri said Birkhead needs a paternity ruling from California to strengthen his case for claiming paternity of the child in the Bahamas. "Without it, we have a weak argument," she said.

Funny that – without Howard K Stern going out of his way to prove that he isn't the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby, Larry Birkhead can't prove that he is the father. Besides, all of this legal scrapping is just a great big waste of time anyway – we all know that the real father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby is the crazy old impotent German man that probably never even met her anyway.

Read more:

Lawyer Wants Anna Nicole's Partner's DNA – ABC