That’s fine – a firebrand like Angelina Jolie must be used to the criticism from strangers by now – but it has to hurt when Angelina Jolie’s own unborn children start to launch violent internal attacks on her own abdominal wall just to shut her up.
Because that’s what’s happened – during a discussion about Iraqi education policy in Washington on Tuesday, Angelina Jolie was forced to talk about her own unborn twins in public for the very first time because they wouldn’t stop booting her in the gut with all their might. Heartwarming stuff, huh?
There’s just something about Angelina Jolie that makes people violent, isn’t there? God knows paying to see her act in a series of disappointing movies has got us all riled up in the past, plus we get the impression that Jennifer Aniston would like nothing more than to slam her head in a car door for one reason or another, but mainly we’re talking about Angelina’s kids.
Just last week we reported about the constant vicious fights between Angelina Jolie’s children over who looks more adopted – or something – and now it looks like Angelina Jolie’s unborn twins have started to get a little bit berserk as well. Get this – they’re actually beating up Angelina Jolie from the inside.
Although Angelina Jolie has been happy to show off her baby bump in the past, she’s never actually made a verbal confirmation of her pregnancy. Being the unassuming, non-intrusive types that we are, we just assumed that Angelina was suffering from an outbreak of parasitic intestinal worms that were causing her stomach to bloat, but that theory was shot out of the water on Tuesday when Angelina Jolie spoke about her pregnancy for the very first time. People reports:
Maybe it was all the talk about children, but while Angelina Jolie was discussing Iraq education policy Tuesday in Washington D.C., she “felt kicking suddenly,” she tells PEOPLE. And though it was “in the middle of the event,” the expectant mother of four didn’t miss a beat as she talked about her two visits to Iraq and her new initiative, Educational Partnership for Children of Conflict… Jolie says she’s savoring this period – unexpected kicks and all – adding, “It is a very special time in our lives.”
Oh, so she just happened to suddenly feel the babies kicking in the middle of a big humanitarian speech. How very convenient. Cynics could argue that the only way for Angelina Jolie to draw attention to her educational partnership initiative was to explicitly mention her kids for the very first time during it, but we’re not cynics so we’ll assume it was genuine.
No, come to think of it we are cynics, and Angelina Jolie did probably make it all up. But that’s all unimportant, because it worked. A whole new audience now knows about Angelina Jolie’s initiative to help Iraqi children because she alluded to her pregnancy, and that’s great.
Admittedly it’s a lonely audience that personally invests in the lives of celebrities because of a freakish imbalance which makes them clamour for the approval of people who they’ve never met, and they’ll forget about the Educational Partnership for Children of Conflict the second that Eva Longoria gets a new haircut, but it still counts.
Anyway, our point is this: awww, babies are so cute!