Low-key nominees, strike-wrecked scripted banter – honestly, the only thing about the Oscars we were excited about this year was the thought of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston clawing each other's eyes out in public.
And it didn't pissing happen.
Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston were due to come face to face at an Oscars party for the first time since Brad Pitt ditched one for the other. But Angelina Jolie avoided the clash by doing what we in the trade like to refer to as 'pussying out'. Sad for us, but imagine how Jennifer Aniston feels – she's spent the last month solidly pumping iron to get ready for the encounter. And she never even got to use that fleet of specially-trained winged monkeys, either.
Looking back, quite a lot happened for the most boring Oscars ever. Sure, no films you've ever heard of won anything, but between the Gary Busey neck-attack and the Whoopi Goldberg snub there was plenty on the peripheries to keep us happy.
Except that the one thing that people wanted to see didn't happen. Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston didn't roll around the floor of an Oscars charity party trying to gouge, strangle and generally kill each other to smithereens.
They were meant to, of course. Way before the Oscars magazine front pages howled in anticipation of Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston meeting for the first time since Brad Pitt dumped Aniston for Jolie on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith. The face-off was due to happen at a charity event at the Beverly Hills Hotel on Saturday that both Angelina and Jennifer were due to host, but it seems that Angelina Jolie chickened out before the big event, as OK! reports:
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie pulled out of an Oscars event at the last minute to avoid a confrontation with Brad's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. The couple, who are expecting their second biological child together, allegedly ditched a pre-Oscar party at the Beverly Hills Hotel on hearing of Jennifer's attendance. Jennifer stood her ground and attended the Night Before event to mingle with a whole host of stars including Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Jake Gyllenhaal and Matt Dillon.
Of course Jennifer Aniston stood her ground – she took the divorce so badly that we wouldn't be surprised if she turned up at the party covered in warpaint with a knife-belt, mace can, retractable police cosh and 32-piece nunchuck set tucked under her blouse. Rumours that Jennifer Aniston was so upset at Angelina Jolie's no-show that she furiously obliterated a particularly big-lipped ice sculpture with her fists in front of Matt Dillon are unconfirmed but, you know, probably a bit true.
To make matters worse, Angelina Jolie ditched the Night Before event to turn up at the Independent Spirit Awards with Brad Pitt and both her unborn children poking out visibly for the first time, not only stealing the limelight from Jennifer Aniston, but managing to stick a sly boot in, too.
But don't think that this is over just because Angelina Jolie wussed out of meeting Jennifer Aniston. Hollywood is a small place, and the two of them will still have to meet at some point. It might not be this week, or this month, or even this decade, but it'll happen. And when it does, no amount of adopted southeast Asian Jolie footsoldiers will be able to stop Jennifer Aniston from taking a swing at Angelina Jolie's skull with that piece of washed-up driftwood with a nail through it that she's taken to carrying round with her.
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Lucy says
How rude and pathetic is that? Angelina keeps talking about being welcome to meet Jennifer, Brad keeps talking about how he shares a deep friendship with his ex and Jennifer keeps her mouth shut about them. They all are schedule to host an event (which Jennifer has hosted since the beggining) and the couple doesn’t go? Who hasn’t moved on now? Jennifer was classy and had the guts to go and face them if she had to. Shame on Brangelina.
jenfraud says
Noblesse Oblige: Jolie-Pitt were CHARITABLE and took PITY on little wittle JenJen, not sticking the huge babybump into her cold, child-hating face. Imagine JenJen’s almost-40 dried up jaw trying to smile, looking at the beautiful Oscar winner (which Aniston will never ever be) with her ex-husband cradling the huge baby-bump. Not a pretty sight, and Jolie-Pitt knew that. They gave Aniston a break. Be thankful.