hecklerspray has never seen a cactus. We're not talking about the little ones in the red pots everyone and their mother has on their work desk – no, we've tipped entire truck loads of those before.
We're talking about the big ones in the desert – the ones that look like they're victims in a stick-up, or would be fun to run smack into like in all those Roadrunner cartoons. Seriously, we've never seen a cactus – and it haunts us nightly. That sad fact, we believe, is our little piece of global suffering – you know, the type of suffering Angelina Jolie's trying to end single handedly. Well, she's trying to end it when she's not running over youth on motorcycles anyway. Oh – you heard that right! Angelina Jolie recently ran over some kid on a bike, completely obliterating his spine and making his eyes bulge-up really far.
Or she just knocked him over. Or her driver did. Yeah that's what we meant, a car with Angelina Jolie in it knocked him over… and fled the scene.
Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt know a good deal about global suffering – because they've caused their fair share. Think about it – whose bodyguard recently assaulted a paparazzo in the throat? And who's all too eager to send spying cameramen off to be sodomised in a county jail? Who sometimes puts their children in time-out? It's Pitt/Jolie across the board! Spot on!
That's right, when Angelina Jolie's not painted up like a black woman, she likes to lay the smack down. So says a teenage Indian boy who claims her vehicle bumped him off his motorbike. More specifically, he said:
"Two vehicles were also proceeding in the same direction and tried to overtake me. One of the vehicles brushed against my motorcycle and I fell down. Both the vehicles sped away without stopping."
The story goes that the vehicles were trying to evade paparazzi when the collision occurred. The boy was not hurt, but reported the incident to police as he was ticked nobody stopped to see if his leg had been crushed, if his head somehow got jammed in one of the SUV wheel wells, or if the entourage had accidentally made off with the hose the young man may have been using to siphon their gas. Hoses cost good money you know. One of the drivers has since acknowledged the incident, but claims Angelina Jolie was not in the vehicle at the time.
Even if she had been in the vehicle – hecklerspray would have understood. Even if Angelina Jolie herself had seen the boy, and leaned into the front seat grabbing the wheel to aim it in the teen's general direction – hecklerspray would have understood. We understand because we love her. Because we love you, Angelina.
Baby, you can manslaughter anybody you want to. You can manslaughter anybody you want to forever.
Read more:
Angelina's Driver Swipes A Biker – E! Online
[story by Shawn Lindseth]
Miriam says
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Rosa Barnett says
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