I am?a sucker for shitty reality television, so really the basis of what I know about Andy Dick is from when he was on Sober House and he cried a lot. I know he is supposed to be a comedian and actor, but I don’t care about any of that.? Now if you want to talk about the fact that he is one of the biggest fucking trainwrecks going, I am on top of that, Rose.
This past week, Andy was putting around on his Schwinn and decided it was a good day to become a thief.? A healthy one promoting clean air and shit, but still a thief.
Andy Dick has a reputation for being, well, a dick (Screw you for judging the lack of imagination there, it’s late here and a Saturday night.? My brain is fried).?? He has a drinking problem, a drug problem, a touching people in their private parts problem.? At this point, I don’t know if he has any credibility left anymore as either a comedian or an actor.? I think all that’s left of his career are reality television spots and an occasional Comedy Central Roast.
Now, Andy has allegedly been sober now for a few years since appearing on Sober House, or at least “mostly” sober.??Well, as sober as someone can be who has been arrested multiple times for trying to grab stranger ass, and been physically removed from multiple venues for being an all around rude asshole.? That kind of sober.? This week, however, Dick confirmed that he is off the deep end in a total Amanda Bynes approved way.
Dick was riding around Hollywood on his hippie approved bicycle a few days ago, when suddenly he got the urge to add some new bling to his neck.? Of course, it’s doubtful Andy has any money left over from his profitable days, so when he saw some dude with a nice chain on his neck, he decided to get a closer look.? The random dude, who obviously must also be high on something, thought it was a great fucking idea to let Andy Dick anywhere inside his bubble and to touch his expensive shit.? But somehow, the guy was shocked when Dick took the chain, bit into it to make sure it was real, and then started cycling away, cackling all the while.
The owner of the chain went to police to report the theft of his $1000 piece, but the police couldn’t find Andy.? They obviously didn’t look hard enough in the backrooms of any of the gay bars nearby.? The police did find Dick eventually near his apartment a few days later, and they immediately arrested him.? He was brought in, and later released when someone posted his $25,000 bail (aka Person #3 in this story with terrible decision making skills).
Moral of the story- if you ever encounter a d-list, out of their fucking mind celebutard riding a bicycle, do not EVER give them your jewelry worth a thousand fucking dollars.? Don’t even give them your Claire’s clearance rack shit.? Just walk away slowly, but make sure to take a snapshot quickly so you can Instagram that shit for me, thanks.