And Here’s Chris Brown’s New Single (It’s Less Suicidey)
Sorry Rihanna. You may have wrapped yourself in barbed wire and sung about killing yourself, but you’ve been out-depressed.
You see, Chris Brown also has a new single out. And even though your song, Rihanna, was about blowing a gigantic hole in your own chest with a pistol, Chris Brown’s new single is immeasurably more depressing simply because it exists. It’s called Crawl, and it’s a kind of sadsack ‘I know I tried to choke you unconscious and bite one of your ears off, but I still love you baby’ plea for forgiveness.
And it’s worked. Oh Chris Brown, we could never stay mad at you, you stupid-toothed, bowtie-wearing, violent, woman-hating twat.
Well what are the chances of this? Just yesterday we were telling you about Rihanna’s morbid new single, and now Chris Brown has decided to unveil his new single too. Honestly, you wait eight months for one song to ghoulishly reflect on a harrowing assault that everyone would quite like to forget about, and then two come along at once. It’s like buses, isn’t it? Admittedly buses where the driver will repeatedly punch you in the head while threatening to kill you if you haven’t got the correct change, but buses nonetheless.
The good news is that Chris Brown hasn’t decided to wrap himself up in barbed wire and pull a sad face on the cover of his new single Crawl, but the bad news is that the song sees him cast himself as an unlucky loser in love, just because he got a teensy bit angry about a text message once and wound up choking his girlfriend and smacking her skull against a window because he couldn’t push her out of a moving car. But, hey, who hasn’t been there, right guys? Guys? Hello? Guys? No?
Anyway, here’s Crawl by Chris Brown for your timely assessment…
Horrific, isn’t it? Not so much because it seems to be yet another reminder that Chris Brown isn’t completely aware of what a monster he is – see also the time when he said he wasn’t a monster – but because it betrays a basic lack of knowledge when it comes to developmental mobility.
Yes, Chris Brown might be right in thinking that humans must learn to crawl before they can walk, and that they walk before they can run, and that they run before they can jump – but jumping clearly doesn’t lead to flying. That’s a fundamental mistake he’s made right there, and it leads us to question his credibility as an artist. What’s more, even if humans could fly, they most certainly wouldn’t fly until there was no end. They’d probably just fly to the shops or something. Chris Brown is an idiot. We hate him.
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My goodness. You are a cold-blooded hater. Leave that boy alone.
I am so sick of everyone picking on this kid when we still don’t know what happened that night. Rihanna reminds me of Robin Givens and I personally think she can dish it out as much as she can take it which is why she is not commenting about that night. She knows they were both in the wrong but will let Chris take the blame that does not sound like love to me. Also as an FYI she has become a major slut lately. I can’t wait until people see her for what she is and let Chris go on with his life. I hope you heckle ALL the other celebrities that have done stupid things since the 8 MONTHS that have passed from the night in question
Oh, they do.
Spot on Stuart.
Those defending this idiot for beating up a woman are nothing better than he is. Idiots bleeting after their leader of fools.
Congrats Hater and Annoyed for convincing us just how ignorant you are.
Actually, this raises many interesting anthropological and moral questions, not least of which is: which would you rather punch? Chris Brown, or Fishsticks West?
seriously. that dude almost murdered that girl. if he did you wouldn’t be calling out people at “haters.” you’d be defending some other douche bag. cause thats just who you are. and who i am, is someone who cannot believe there are still people in the world that defend men who beat women.
now go chomp on a bag of d@(ks.
the boy is sorry…leave him alone. its sad when we live in a world and we cant forgive one another 4 their mistakes..really grow upto all his haters. EVERYONE deserves a second chance!!!!!!!!!
Seriously!!! You call him a monster and say you hate him. I am a mother of a 16 year old girl and a 19 years old boy whom I love dearly so trust me when I say I see this from all angles. The bottom line is this -
1) What he did was wrong and inexcusalbe BUT he has said that from the beginning and never made excuses for his actions
2) He has tried to take responsibility for his actions and accepted all of the consequences that have been given to him without whining and moaning to the media – sorry I don’t see how that makes him a monster
3)If everyone stopped and thought about the worst thing they’ve done in their lives and then thought about whether they would want to be defined and judged by that forever you would realize that everyone deserves a second chance(murderer and rapist have been shown more compassion than this kid)
4) We don’t know what happened that night and just like I teach my son that it’s NEVER ok to hit a woman I also teach my daughter that not every parent teaches their son that same thing so before you hit a man you better be prepared that he MIGHT hit you back. Which addresses the fact that we know that she has physically assaulted him in the past…domestic violence is a two way street. If I start a fight but end up getting my butt kicked am I really the victim?? As a woman, just because I know that men aren’t supposed to hit women does that give me the right to physically assault one. Rhianna has a history of physical violence even with her own family so it’s a little hard for me to fall for the poor battered woman story. I do believe that it’s a problem for a lot of women but I have a feeling it’s more to this story and that yound woman than meets the eye.
Mz Tanya
I’m guessing you’re probably 30 tops now, had the first kid at 14 second kid at 17? Different dads? Both of them in prison now?
Am I close?
I’m so Vincent D’Onofrio!
Actually pretty close but no cigar. Let’s not just read the preface let’s explore the book. Graduated college at 22, 50K+ out the door(that was over 10 years ago!!) Oldest son currently in college, daughter’s an honor student and wait for it.. youngest two in private school(oh my gosh she has four kids). It gets better, HAPPILY married for over 10 years(nope he’s never raised a hand at me…sorry to disappoint you), happily together for over 15. Own my own home that we custom built, nope sorry it’s not in foreclosure(our rate is fixed). All of our cars are paid for, all of our motorcycles are paid for…sorry again no repo man. Currently working for one of the largest accounting firms in the country and I’ve seen parts of the world (and so have my kids for that matter) that most people will only see in TV commercials. You were however right about the 14 part… but your math must be a little rusty because if I told you he was 19 and you guessed that I had him at 14 how does that make me 30 tops??? 14+19 = x. Comments pack more of a punch and less of a tickle when you get the details right. Sorry but the next time you want to stereotype a teen mom choose one without my credentials!! We ALL make mistakes..I’ve certainly made my share of mistakes but I won’t let them define me (you tried to but my guess is that my education, career and lifestyle are all on par with yours if not better), I won’t keep apologizing for them…most importantly I won’t keep judging others when they are clearly trying to do better.
I absolutely agree with you. It’s sad because I thought that most people would be smart enough to realize when someone is at their lowest point, you do not make the situation better by kicking them back down. I honestly think that some people actually want Chris Brown to continue to beat women because they obviously don’t want him to get help and heal from this. I read all kinds of comments about how he’s just a waste and he’ll do it again. So this is what we’re teaching the younger generation? That if you make a mistake you are supposed to curl up in a ball and die? You’re not supposed to seek help and understand why you did what you did and work on yourself to ensure that you will never make that mistake again? If that were the case, then I guess we’d all be dead.
Of course. And I’m Jesus Christ.
Get back to work, bitch!
Really, because anyone with 1/2 a brain cell wouldn’t even listen to this drivel.
So either:
a) the crack you smoke has created a fairy tale world for you
or
b) what you say is true and your mind has been destroyed by the flouride and brainwashing
What I can’t understand is if you’re a Chris Brown fan, how can you string more than two semi-coherient sentences together.
The mind boggles.
Kid:
You should have given up after Mz. Tanya very intelligent reply. You made yourself look even more like an idiot.
LOL
OUCH….I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can no longer enjoy a Bing Crosby or Fatty Arbuckle film thanks to their off-screen misadventures, and now Chris Brown must be added to that list.
Besides, he looks like he’d sing this song – haltingly and tearfully – to you as he mercilessly punched you in the face in a parked car.
It’d be like being punched in your very soul.
As well as in the face.
I think I’m going to give him another chance, he is too talented and good looking and too young. I believe he has learned his lesson. Look at it like this, he’s a teenager. If your teenage son made a mistake you would give him grief, but you would forgive him.
Enough already! It was an unfortunate situation between two kids who got famous too early. KIDS! That’s why it’s amazing that the people responding the most negatively are adults. This is what can happen when there is not a positive male role model in the home. I would advise any parent to get their child into counseling that is in a situation like the one Chris Brown grew up in. You are expecting too much from a chlld. This is not an excuse but a reason. Maybe the adults responding so harshly need t ogrow up. From the anger represented in most of the negative comments it looks like Chris Brown is not the only one who needs anger management. To think none of u were there so let it go and keep these kids in your prayers
You, aarick, are expecting too much from your forgiveness.
I can happily cope with the disappointment if Brown never strikes another woman, can you deal with yours if he does?
By the way why is anyone even taking joemamma seriously?
I hope this helps others in a similar situation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3ujgzwEuIg