As Amy Winehouse knows, you haven't got a drug problem until a national newspaper films you tootling on a crack pipe.
But now that the whole wide world has seen her huffing crack like it was going out of fashion, it looks as if Amy Winehouse has reconsidered a spell at that rehab that they kept trying to make her go to.
Still, though, maybe Amy Winehouse will benefit from this – it's only through great suffering that great art emerges. Great art or embarrassing off-kilter wailing. We can never remember which one of those is right.
Part of Amy Winehouse's appeal is that she lives her life through her songs – it's this ultra-personal confessional approach which led to the song Rehab holding the public's interest for months on end. But presumably Amy Winehouse's next song will be called I'm Fucked On Crack, because, well, she is.
After The Sun decided to fill its front page yesterday with a picture of Amy Winehouse smoking crack after bingeing on cocaine, ecstasy powder and valium, all just a few hours before she had to turn up to court and scream nonsense at her husband, it seems like Amy has finally seen the error of her ways. Yesterday Amy was seen entering a building which – depending on who you listen to – was either a full-on rehab clinic, a mental institution or the gore-filled trap warehouse from Saw III.
However, it has emerged that Amy Winehouse definitely wasn't going to rehab. Not at all. Nope. Amy's not good with rehab. Instead, she was just… look, here's what Amy's slaves have said:
"Amy is not in rehab. She was seeing a doctor who she regularly sees as part of her ongoing treatment. It was a regular appointment which she attends all the time. She has not checked in overnight."
See? Amy Winehouse doesn't need to go to rehab because she occasionally sees a doctor about her problems – an approach which is clearly working remarkably well, as you can see from all the crack fumes that Amy was wolfing down like a greedy pig the other night.
But even though she don't need no stinking rehab, perhaps it's time that Amy Winehouse went there anyway, if only to save her career. Police in London are investigating The Sun's video of Amy's crack binge, plus the whole thing has pretty much destroyed any hope of Amy Winehouse being allowed into America any time soon. She had to personally grovel for a visa after she was arrested for cannabis possession in Norway, but it's hard to see how that appoach will work now that there's a video on the internet of Amy Winehouse honking down enough crack to fit into a suitcase.
But whether it's for her health or her job, it'd be good to see Amy Winehouse seek out permanant treatment for her addictions. After all, watching a woman vomit copiously because she's a crack addict is harrowing to watch. But watching a woman copiously vomit because she's chugged too much champagne is hilarious. Amy Winehouse should stick to that.
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Gilbert Wham says
Crack has more of a laxative than an emetic effect in my experience.