Amy Winehouse & Pete Doherty Hang Out, Humanity Shudders

We don't know about you, but we're going to invest in a battered old trilby and something to poke our eyes with until they're bleary because we want a shot at Amy Winehouse too.

Amy Winehouse has moved out of her old Camden house and into a new flat to try and rid herself of all the troubling memories she's gained over the last few months. However, that might just be because she wants room for all kinds of new troubling memories, because Amy Winehouse has been befriended by none other than Pete Doherty. Rest easy, though - Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse are just platonic friends at the moment. And we'll know if it ever turns into a physical, sexual relationship because the sky will turn blood-red and a plague of vomiting locusts will descend on North London. Or something.

Sometimes it's like Amy Winehouse does this on purpose, you know. As sad as she might be that her husband Blake Fielder-Civil has been remanded in custody for the foreseeable future, at least Amy's fans and family know that removing her from what appears to be a malign force will be better for her in the long-term.

And what's the first thing Amy Winehouse does? She cosies up with Pete Doherty - a mirror image of Blake Fielder-Civil, provided you're using one of those fairground mirrors that makes you look all grossly overweight and almost dead. For instance, Pete Doherty was Amy Winehouse's first guest at her new place, turning up at 4am with a battered old guitar and a well-thumbed dictionary of 1950s British prison slang tucked nicely into his jacket where nobody could see.

This new friendship won't be welcomed by Amy Winehouse's parents - in fact, it's rumoured that Amy's father Mitch Winehouse has already hit Pete Doherty in the face with a guitar - but you can't stop the force of such spellbinding creativity. Pete Doherty and Amy Winehouse are writing a song together that we think is called either You Hurt The Ones You Love or You Hurt The Ones You Love (And Anyone Else With A Fully-Working Set Of Ears Whenever You Open Your Mouth).

But it's not just Pete Doherty hanging around that's caused Amy Winehouse's new neighbours to worry - there's also the matter of the giant bag of white powder that was photographed in Amy's car as she was moving in, although Amy's spokesperson is adamant that it wasn't a bag of drugs - more likely some loose make-up or powderised hand-towels or whatever.

Regardless of this, though, by choosing Blake Fielder-Civil and then Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse has shown that she only really likes vastly unsuitable men. That's bad news for the world at large, but good news for the ghost of Dr Harold Shipman, who we hear is investing in a trilby and some breath spray as we speak.

Read more:

For Pete's sake: Amy Winehouse's world is falling apart…then Doherty visits at 4am - This Is London