Amy Winehouse Not Going To Israel, No, No, No
Not a single millisecond goes by when there isn’t some astonishing new rumour about Amy Winehouse – that she’s taken so many drugs she now sees only in kaleidoscope or that she’s actually a half-human, half-horse hybrid genetically engineered on the planet Mediocrotron and sent to Earth to soundtrack dinner parties everywhere.
The latest gossip flying around? That Amy is being shipped off to Barzilai Medical Centre, Israel – a fresh attempt to wean her off those lovely narcotics by plunging her into a $12,800 course of ‘’short, intensive and effective treatment”. Presumably, involving a room full of people with actual real-life problems yelling “oh, just pull yourself together, you self-obsessed stupid bint”.
Alas, this seems to be dredged from the same unreliable story mill as everything else. Chris Goodman, a spokesman for Amy, babbled thus:
“These are just old rumors. She’s going back in the studio and has absolutely no plans to go abroad for treatment.”
Maybe the reason that Ms. Winehouse seems so reticent to scurry off to a magic get-well clinic is that song. After all, once you’ve belted out the words “they tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no,” any actions deemed the opposite may be seen as selling out your principles.
In that spirit, then, we sincerely hope to see a new album soon, the tracks of which are named after promises that Amy can definitely keep. Hits include I Am Most Certainly A Bit Of A Mess And Am Popping Down To The Doctor, I Really Should Stop Wearing That Smeared Silly Eye Make-Up and Married To A Twat (That’s What I Am).
It’ll be on the shelves the same day as Katie Melua’s Boring As Hell Yet At Least Physically Attractive.
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