They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab and she said no, no, no – then Amy Winehouse took all the drugs, had a tube put into her stomach until she blasted puke everywhere and decided that rehab was probably quite a good idea.
According to reports, Amy Winehouse has checked into a £10,000-a-week private rehab clinic just off the coast of Essex where she'll be treated for her drug and alcohol addictions. Although the initial stages of rehab can be terrifying for a newcomer like Amy Winehouse, we're sure that her choice of rehab centre is the best possible one available to her. For example, Amy Winehouse will be staying on a 350-acre private island far removed from the high-octane pressures of the city and celebrity life. Plus if Amy Winehouse decides to make a break and swim for shore, she'll end up in Essex – and that's a fate worse than a million years of terror-filled cold turkey.
Thank God for that – Amy Winehouse is finally in rehab. Don't get us wrong, we're not so personally invested in Amy Winehouse's private life that news of her rehab trip has left us overjoyed, but at least now she's bitten the bullet all the headline writers in the world can roll out those inevitable 'Amy Winehouse In Rehab: Yes, Yes, Yes' headlines that they've been keeping on hold since Amy Winehouse had a drug overdose last week. Seriously, this is like Christmas for those chaps.
Anyway, as we all know, Amy Winehouse collapsed last week. Although initial reports speculated that the weight of Amy's massive claggy haircut had been the cause, it later emerged that she collapsed because she'd taken heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine and alcohol in the space of one evening and had to be rushed to hospital to get a shot of adrenaline and a stomach pump. After shockingly revealing that overdosing on drugs isn't all that fun, Amy Winehouse appears to have done the decent thing, sacked off her dates supporting The Rolling Stones, put her inexplicable denim line on ice and buggered off to rehab. The Sun reports:
Amy Winehouse has finally eaten her famous anti-rehab lyrics and checked into a retreat — in Essex. The Back To Black singer was admitted to the exclusive £10,000-a-week Causeway on Monday after crunch talks with her family. Amy always insisted rehab was for wimps and only needed the help of her taxi-driver dad Mitch to set her straight. But she finally shocked herself into getting help after last week overdosing on a cocktail of heroin, ecstasy, cocaine, the horse tranquilliser ketamine and booze. Contrary to some reports she did not go for treatment in the US.
Now that she's tucked up in rehab Amy Winehouse shouldn't necessarily worry about falling foul of other celebrity rehab behaviour like shaving her head and calling herself the devil; this isn't because she's in rehab in a stately home on a private island in reserved old England, though – it's because the technology doesn't yet exist to chop through her matted nest of manked-up hair, and even if she did call herself the devil nobody would be able to understand because she's got a speaking voice like a pikey choking on a Big Mac.
So maybe this is the end of the wild-child Amy Winehouse that we've all come to know and love. Maybe her next album will be called They Tried To Make Me See The Magic In A Child's Laughter, I Said Jolly Gosh That's Wonderful and she'll stop dressing like Russell Brand's homeless grandmother from now on. Let's hope not, because Amy Winehouse served an important purpose when she was off her face on drugs – punching ugly girls.
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the apathy says
Fuck, this is BY FAR the worst shit I’ve ever read.
It seems like the bitter mother fucker who wrote this enjoys seeing a celebrity in struggle.
I mean, hello? Heartless bastard, don’t you see that this 23 yr old woman could have been dead as I write this, and there you are, writing shit like you just won a cadillac!
True, people with such fame shouldn’t set those examples or be so weak to fall into those destructive habits, but still, that’s not an excuse to get happy or be a jerk about someone’s disgrace, WHOEVER it may be!
I’d like to see how many people would care about your sorry ass if you were overdosing too… To your bad luck, nobody would even take the time to write such hateful article, it’d be as if you never existed.
Get real!
JoelB says
Now, now, the apathy.
I feel that I must raise two points about your response.
Firstly, SH is not a “bitter mother fucker”. He is a self important shit, and,
secondly, I’ld be first in line to write a hateful article about SH’s putative ODing.
Adam Gade says
Who doesn’t like seeing a celebrity struggle? That’s like asking, “Do you like ice cream?” A vast majority are inept, better off than all of us, brainless, and overwhelmingly egotistical. Now besides the better off than you part, if you knew a normal person who fit that description, you’d think they were a class ‘A’ douche, right?
V says
Come on guys (apethy and joelb), Amy Winehouse is a talentless twat who deserves all the piss taking thrown her way. I personally have got nothing but respect for people like Stuart
Heritige and this website in general coz they at least try to bring these jumped up media whore celebrities with over inflated, fevered ego’s down a peg or two.
And its not like he’s directly laughing at the fact she almost died, this article has a sense of humour to it as well (kno what one of them is?), and surely points the irony of amy fucking winehouse singin about dismissing rehab only then to be admitted due to taking masses amounts of hard drugs. BOLLOCKS TO JUMPED UP CELEBRITY CUNTS
AND BIG UP HECKLERSPRAY!!!
Dani says
>””Come on guys (apethy and joelb), Amy Winehouse is a talentless twat who deserves all the piss taking thrown her way. I personally have got nothing but respect for people like Stuart
Heritige and this website in general coz they at least try to bring these jumped up media whore celebrities with over inflated, fevered ego’s down a peg or two.
And its not like he’s directly laughing at the fact she almost died, this article has a sense of humour to it as well (kno what one of them is?), and surely points the irony of amy fucking winehouse singin about dismissing rehab only then to be admitted due to taking masses amounts of hard drugs. BOLLOCKS TO JUMPED UP CELEBRITY CUNTS
AND BIG UP HECKLERSPRAY!!!””
first of all V if amy winehouse is so talentless why are you taking the time out to even read an article about her, why are you wasting your words to put her down? and why is she number 10 out of 100 on the billboard music charts….. man, she must really suck huh?
second off where do you get the idea that she is egotistical? if anything she’s always put herself down in the media. since when does a person who has an eating disorder have an overinflated ego? if at all she’s got low self esteem. now dont get me wrong i like amy’s music and i like her as a person but someone with a personality such as hers probably wouldnt give a fuck about anything you had to say or even that i had to say and no, its not ego. its because she doesnt give a fuck about anyone but herself and quite frankly i think that everyone should take up such an attitude. just because she declined to go to rehab doesnt mean that shes not saying she has a problem, did you ever even think that rehab just might not be the place for everysingle person who has a drug problem to figure themself out?
and a little advice:
maybe you should think before you talk.
you make yourself look painfully ignorant