Amir Kahn Is A Little Jahil Boy
Then buzz it up
March 25th, 2008 at 17:30 by Paul Sorrenti
What do you get if you cross a patriotic British boxing Muslim, a warped owl-faced England hating clerical Muslim, and a Tory MP?
You guessed it; 3 morons.
Let us begin with the warped, owl-faced England-hating clerical Muslim. His name's Omar Bakri Mohammed, he's estimated to be about 50 years old and comes from Syria. Omar, currently exiled in Lebanon after having been deported from the UK for being a rather naughty individual indeed - he once described the 9/11 hijackers as the 'Magnificent 19' (very funny, Omar, but the joke will be on you when you discover that 19 central characters is gonna be tough to cram into 120 pages of script; there's a reason why we in the west chose 7. Well, it was because we stole it off Kurosawa, but that's an entirely different matter, Omar, the point we're getting to follows shortly after these brackets) - has accused Amir Khan of being a prick, basically.
Just read what the cheeky git is quoted as saying from his hideaway in Beirut, according to that beautiful daily source of news, The Sun:
“So now for him (Amir, lovely Amir) to be wrapping himself in British flag is another sign of somebody who is completely jahil (ignorant). You give him the excuse of ignorance for living among the kuffar (non-believer). So you can’t call him kuffar but you can call him jahil and deviant person. Amir Khan is not a good example for Muslims. He wears shorts with the Union Jack. That is a sin. He should not be wearing the flag because sovereignty is for God. His only allegiance should be to the Prophet Mohammed. The ideal situation would be to have a Muslim team not registered to any state so he can represent the Islamic community.”
Presumably with Mohammed's face stretched across Amir's arse instead? Oh oh! Retract, retract! It's gone, it's not there, the sentence has been retracted, all logic suggests otherwise but we ask you to take a leap of faith brothers; it isn't there.
Anyway, so Omar's calling Amir like totally jahil, but he aint no kuffar. He's a bit jahil of his kuffarins, and that's forgivable, are we keeping up? Good, time for moron number 2!
His names Andrew Rosindell, he's a Tory, he's 42 and he has decided he should probably make a comment on the comments. He said:
“I'd love to see the two of them slugging it out. I’ll be cheering for Amir. What Bakri said is appalling. A sportsman represents his country. He is British first and Muslim second — and can be both. Amir is a positive role model to the young. Bakri is an unsavoury character whose words should be discounted.”
So Andrew is saying that it absolutely isn't a sin for Amir to be wearing Union Jack shorts, it is in fact wicked that he does that, and that before Amir's allegiance to almighty Allah (there is no god but him, apparently, and he should know) who promises to reward good little boys with presents not even the most spoilt child would dare to ask for on his list to Santa - 'I'd like a PS3, a pony, and a harem of gagging-for-it virgins please, Mr Claus' - before all that, comes a far more pressing allegiance to the UK, which does at least deal with his welfare in the real world (but what is real, right philosophy graduates?).
And like Andrew says, it's possible to be both a Muslim and a British patriot, and that's just what Amir Khan, 21, from Bolton, our 3rd moron of the day, is.
Some people would argue that each person is an individual and that it's foolish to take any pride in being born in a country of which you had no choosing, or shot from a vagina with a religious outlook you held no sway over, as you and your stupidly fertile child mind are unable to prevent these jahil/ignorant adults ploughing whatever nonsense they so wish into you.
But to be fair to Amir, can we really blame him for being what he's become? Perhaps we, like Omar before us, should forgive him for his ignorances as he lives among the 'other' people, which for us would be the non-kafarians and the patriots. Did he have any chance being reared by these people? Does anyone, ultimately, have any control over the person they become? There's no time to speculate, so let's presume we do, in which case sort it out Amir!
You work hard for race relations, and you succeed, but you don't have to dance around in your Union Jack pants to gain white people's love. It may work for the Tories, but when was pleasing the Tories a good thing? Not in hecklerspray's lifetime and never again, right kids? Lead the revolution Amir. Throw those pants into the bin, get Benneton to make you a multicoloured pair and lead us into the crystal enlightenment of a colour-blind, hecklerspray tinted future.
Just look at Ali; he told Michael Parkinson and the whole country that the white man was the devil, and we still hold back the tears every time we see him trying not to drop his latest 'sporting achievement' award onto the floor.
Read more - The Sun - Bakri Slur On Boxer Amir
Read more - BBC news - Profile: Omar Bakri Mohammad
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March 26th, 2008 at 4:01 am
*COUGH*national*COUGH*front*HACK**CHOKE**CHEST SLAP* Someone sounds bitter.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Rare miss from Paul right here. We all love your self-righteousness, mate, but your ignorance was showing for just a moment there.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I dunno. Dork to the left, dork to the right,
dork in the middle… makes sense to me
presuming that the comments on dork #3 would be
just as scathing if he was shot out of a
vag in Texas and pumped full of Jesus shite.
March 26th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Aye, but since when was a personal distaste for someone’s opinion grounds for calling them a moron?
Oh… WAIT! I get it now.
March 26th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
amir’s a lesser moron compared to the other two, a far far lesser moron, and i’m sure if i was in the public eye as much as he is then miserable bastards like myself would be taking the piss too. we’re all morons, lets be honest. it could even be suggested that amir has lead a more worthwhile existence than my own, what with his olympic medal and prodigious talent, but to be fair to me i managed to get a degree in creative writing, no less, and my skills on football manager are truly impressive, so don’t write me off completely. and apologies if this seems like i’m attacking islam ahead of other religions, it just happened to be their turn. i’m reaching out for a higher goal, ladies and gentlemen. like some kind of deluded fantasist. why do you call me ignorant, stabby? i am for many reasons but if you could pin point exactly which specific ignorance you’re reffering to i can then decide whether to accept your criticism or kindly ask you to stick it up your arse.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Just for starters, the comment about a harem of virgins. That whole paragraph was a bit of a mess, to be fair to you.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
And why is that ignorant?
March 27th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Look paul, hecklerspray is about insulting idiotic morons whose diet of sugary soft drinks and paste leave them intellectually unable to react with anything but blind rage to criticism of their favorite dancing lights on the TV.
It is NOT about insulting humorless twats by generalizing, hyperbolizing, and parodizing their deeply held beliefs about which brand of primeval superstition is the bestest ever. Unless you’re talking about Scientology, in which case go hog wild.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Oh, and farts. Hecklerspray is about farts, and videos of people farting.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
ooh, hecklerspray is eating itself
‘regulars’ are becoming confident enough to tell the site’s own employees what the style guide should say
this could get interesting
or quickly fizzle out when people realise they’re taking themselves too seriously
March 27th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
….And the Joke Police start investigating the white collar crime of “meta-commentary”
March 27th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Last time I checked, the site’s subtitle was “Music, Movies, TV, Celebs, Games and Gossip”, not that with “…plus some politics you can read about anywhere else with a bit of projected religious intolerance tacked on the arse end.”
Paul, it’s ignorant because you’re making a dodgily-motivated, sweeping generalisation about Muslims. Wrap that up with the general feeling of “religious people are all a bit twattish, eh, eh?” and you’ve got yourself something which is best kept to whatever personal blog you happen to maintain.
For the record, I’m not religious.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
you need to explain yourself more, stabby. don’t just accuse me of being ‘dodgily’ motivated and leave it at that, explain why you think my motivations are dodgy, pin-point the sweeping generalisation you’re referring to, otherwise i have nothing to learn from you. here’s a quote from the quran:
4:89 They long that ye should disbelieve even as they disbelieve, that ye may be upon a level (with them). So choose not friends from them till they forsake their homes in the way of Allah; if they turn back (to enmity) then take them and kill them wherever ye find them, and choose no friend nor helper from among them,â€
a muslim is someone who believes this; who believes that because you or i don’t believe in allah, we should be killed. people will argue that it isn’t meant to be taken literally, but how else can it be taken? personally i believe that this shouldn’t be tolerated, and i believe that any person who does tolerate this is a very misguided individual indeed. the bible is no better.
i firmly believe that, if you are to raise a child, telling it that it is of a particular belief and rendering it terrified that if it doesn’t do this or do that that they will burn for eternity in hell, then this amounts to child abuse on a level far more damaging to the individual and us all than all the gary glitters of this world put together. if you had never heard a word about the bible/quran, and then on your 18th birthday you stumbled across it in the library, there is no way you’d believe it to be the answer.
i don’t write this stuff for a cheap laugh - well, sometimes i do - the main reason is because i care passionately about the subject. religion is the single most oppressive force in human history. please understand that i do not hate religious people, if i did i’d leave them to it. some of my biggest influences and loves are religious, and it pains me to see how they, and the rest of us, suffer from it.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Well, yeah, you’ve got your right to an opinion. But there are millions of ranty soapbox preachy websites for shit like this. Do you think it’s possible to put your rants there instead of hecklerspray? I love this site and read it every day, but it’s such a pain in the arse to have to wade through all this tedious sixth form ideology every couple of days.
Just. Keep. It. Funny. For. Fuck’s. Sake. To much to ask?
March 27th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
sorry joel, you're right, i forget that people literally have to read my writing. HANG ON A MINUTE! how about not reading it?? then i wont have to sift through your inane comments - we both win!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:26 am
It’s a puzzle; it’s a quandry…
why is it unacceptable to make fun
of each and every little thing on the planet,
most especially human beings, their
multifoliate foibles, pitfalls and ideologies?
If you believe passionately in someone or something
it stings when someone else takes the piss out of it,
whether that be Jesus or Axl Rose, the Koran or Harry Potter.
But that’s how humor goes, kiddos. I’ve got my sacred cows
and it gets up my nose when someone else makes a laughing hamburger,
but as an adult I have to cede them that ground… it’s called freedom, and
it’s an integral element of respect. I respect your right to believe in something
and I trust you respect my right to believe in something else, or nothing
at all…
We might all benefit from letting those stung voice their pain themselves
rather than taking umbrage on their behalf. Otherwise we’re all running around
telling everyone else to shut the fuck up because they might
have offended someone we met once who seemed like a pretty decent
sort for someone in a laundromat. [Lecture concludes. Awkward silence follows.
Then out come the clubs and sticks. Have at it! That's what this is all about!]
March 28th, 2008 at 3:51 am
goddamn this is fucking gay
March 30th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
It’s like JBollocks never went away.
Except with less abuse and more massively lengthy explanations.
Can’t we all just be friends?
April 6th, 2008 at 12:36 am
I think its those meddling hacks at the Sun who keep pushing that man into the light. Seriously the reason why he was deported is that he would stop spouting his bigoted nonsense in Britain yet here we have journalists foaming at the mouth to see what he his feelings are. He should be ignored not given a big fookin mouthpiece every other week.
And as for your hatred of Amir, he’s barely in his twenties, a millionnaire and looks to be a world champion and even richer so i doubt he’s fretting about what Mr Sorrenti thinks about him.
And if thats what being a “little boy” is about then you can sign me up too!!!