Forget the endless soggy Stevie Wonder cover versions – American Idol is always going to be about one thing.
How much the judges hate each other. Balancing their egos has always been a tricky job – especially when one of those egos is as shrieky and scattergun and genuinely incomprehensible as Paula Abdul – and now it’s all come to a head.
Paula Abdul has told a magazine that she doesn’t really like American Idol now that new judge Kara DioGuardi is on board, and Kara has responded by saying how ‘hurt’ she is. Boy, this is going to be one funny-looking catfight.
If Paula Abdul divides her American Idol memories into seasons – which we don’t think is true, by the way, due to the sneaking suspicion that Paula Abdul fears time as a work of malevolent witchcraft – then this season is easily her worst. Yes, even worse than the season where she broke her face on a dog. It’s that bad.
Of course, having a dead woman turn up on your doorstep will do that to you, but now Paula Abdul is suffering through something far worse – there’s another woman on the American Idol judging panel, and it’s made Paula Abdul so angry that she might actually pop.
There are plenty of reasons to dislike new American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi – currently our two favourites are that she looks like a Norbit version of Enrico Colantoni and that she doesn’t seem capable of saying anything that you wouldn’t find as a message inside a cheap birthday card given to you by someone who doesn’t like you but feels dutybound to send you a card nonetheless – but Paula Abdul seems to dislike Kara DioGuardi just because she exists. Paula told OK! magazine:
“Kara and I have known each other for years and we get along great. But we tried four judges before and it doesn’t work. It takes up so much time for each of us to give our opinion that it slows down the pace of the show.”
You can tell that Paula Abdul means business about this, because that entire speech was full of separate and distinct words rather than one burbled mess punctuated with the occasional cackle and/or manic dolphin squeal. But if that’s what Paula Abdul thinks of Kara DioGuardi, what does Kara DioGuardi think of Paula Abdul?
“Paula has a right to her opinions, but I was disappointed by her comments, and hurt that she did not address them to me in person.”
So what sparked off Paula Abdul’s rampage? As well as the glaring obvious explanation that it’s because Paula Abdul is a gibbering crackpot, some are pointing to comments elsewhere in the OK! interview where Paula suggests that this will be her last American Idol because “I have so many other things I want to do.” Which is a fair thing to say – those few months on American Idol each year really cut into the time that Paula Abdul sets aside for crying and babbling and shrieking into telephones about bowel disorders and turning into a poltergeist in public and generally creeping people out so much that they want to run home and scrub themselves clean immediately after seeing her.
But one thing’s for sure – this American Idol judge-feud is definitely not about ratings. Definitely.
Ahem.
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Jane says
You seem to be pretty good at babbling yourself. I think you’re trying to make a minor disagreement into a story where there is none. However, since this is how you make a living (you know, gossiping about people you’re obviously jealous of,) I can understand your (failed) efforts to make something out of nothing. You need to get a real job.
nia says
jane, you’re just fueling the fire!
i do agree that there really isn’t a story
paula has not said she doesn’t like kara!! that’s clear from the quote in this very article. she doesn’t like the fact that there are four judges…that’s a totally different thing.
Beth says
Yeah, get a real job! Replace Paula next season.
Ed says
I agree with the comment from Jane, my only wish at this point is that I hadn’t read your article and if I had known how poisonously hateful you are I wouldn’t have. I will watch for your name in the future so I do not make the same mistake twice. Paula is a good person, no perfect but who is. You certainly are not with your negative catty comments. MEOW!! HISS HISS The only way I feel I can get this ugly feeling off me after reading your article is to tell you how ugly your article was and maybe you will think twice before writing another one like this Stuart!
Alex says
Stuart, you yourself are a blubbering vagina.
magnetite says
Ed, I suggest scrubbing yourself with scouring powder and a nail brush while sobbing “can’t get clean…can’t get clean”.
It works for me.
StuFan#1 says
OMG!!!!!!1what in the hells’ name is this going on hear I don,t know. how the do jane and ed thank you are well I know what and that is IDOTS WHO Have come hear just to give aggro [which is a short for aggrovation looked it in a dictionary ha!]to Stuart Heritage well let me tell them (you) that I will not stand up for it and I think also that Stuart Heritage won,t too (stand up for it)Hey jane your a babble youself and as for ed don,t even come on hear making cat sounds at Stuart Heritage because I will lay you write out cold sister and made no mistike. so enough of cats and fires and blubbery vagnas just get in with you’re lifes and leav them behond (cats and fires and blubbery vagnas)
Annette says
I disagree with all of u and im on Paulas side. It does take up more time for the judges to do their jobs when theirs 4 of them. And i personally think that Kara rattles on about much of nothing…On a personal level of watching them on TV, i cant stand watchin Kara either…. You keep expressing your opinions Paula i will back u!
maryj says
Who really cares and as bad as things are financially…everybody needs to get 2 jobs and some food stamps!!
Pogy(Ghana) says
I think Paula is just objective and only talks from her heart!She’s worked for a long time and that she is very experienced. But what ever empase between Paula and kara must be thrashed outand seen as only a human factor which is inevitable in any endevour of which this issue is not exception.It’s normal!
Chuck says
Pauls is idiot. She could ‘nt give honest fair comment if she tried . She thinks everbody is good. She is The Cookies and Cream Coach , you see in youth sports an activities today .She can’t give constructive criticism , which I think hurts in the long run. Simon is honest and right most of the time.
LG says
im so on kara’s side. she is way cooler and i respect her. She knows what she is talking about and has good smart answers. paula has been drunk during past episodes on past seasons
magnetite says
LG, I have to be one-sip-away-from-complete-renal-failure drunk to even watch Simon Cowell on the telly. If I had to be in the same room as him, you’d have to hook me up to a Drambuie IV – so who can blame Paula Abdul for wanting beer goggles on.
mad guy says
i like to smell feet pualo can u help me
Douglas says
I am Brazilian and watch the american idol. I think Paula Abdul should be more comments on your technique so that the candidate has a way about what they are doing and what to do. Kara does that very well
meme says
i thibk paula is a great person, who cares if she drinks, thats no ones concern, she does a very good job on idol..so back off you jealous bimbos.
shukri says
in my opinion tell both of them stop the war b/c .I like to be a member of american idol ,and i think they are great to stop huts each other
KooKKy says
I never understood why they changed to four anyway….should have left it alone.
dave brister says
paula abdul and kara dioguadi don’t hate each other they use to sleep together they’re both bisexuals.
sara says
Chuck, i hate u! paula is not an idiot!!!!!!!!!
What are u thinking?!?!
Brittany says
Thank you for once someone has it right!!!!!!!!! (: