It’s time to stop messing around. American Idol is down to its final 24 contestants – and one will soon be a star.
Probably. Don’t quote us on that. Another scenario is that American Idol will spend the next three months trying its hardest to convince the world that at least one mediocre wailer is a superstar, and then we’ll all forget about them five minutes after the final because their winning single sounds like a jingle from a shaving cream advert from 1986.
Judging by this week’s American Idol, the latter looks the most likely. Of the 24 remaining contestants, it’s fair to say that calling any of them average would be a hideous over-exaggeration. It’s going to be a long three months.
This is a crucial season for American Idol. Only the discovery of a genuine star can guarantee its survival. If a dud gets crowned as winner then, combined with Simon Cowell‘s departure and competition from his new American X Factor, it might be enough to sink the show for good. What it needs to do is find another international star like Kelly Clarkson or, at worst, another fat woman who’ll be kicked off prematurely but then go and win and Oscar. If American Idol fails to do this, it’ll be done for.
Which is a shame because, if this week’s American Idol is anything to go by, the remaining 24 contestants haven’t got a scrap of star quality between them. There isn’t a Clarkson or a Hudson among them. There isn’t even a Studdard. There isn’t even an Adam Lambert figure, who’ll divide viewers between those that like tubby, vampiric-looking Liza Minnelli tribute act and those that are sensible. Instead it looks like we’ve just got one dollop of charisma-free paste after another. Even MTV agrees – look:
After a number of uneven, forgettable performances by the ladies Tuesday night, it was starting to feel like Simon Cowell’s prediction that a female would win this year’s “American Idol” was a bit premature. And then the men took the stage Wednesday night. From poor song choices to shaky vocals and clear nerves, one by one, the guys got hammered by the judges.
It’s not all bad news, though. A chap named Casey James was singled out for praise. Whether that’s because he’s a genuinely talented singer, or because he’s an animal-loving ex-con with an obnoxious disposition for taking his shirt off in public remains to be seen. If you can’t remember who Casey James was, he was the one who looked like Owen Wilson after a botched gender realignment procedure. He was the one who looked like a heat-warped Barbie doll. He was the one who you should definitely never do a Google Image search for with SafeSearch switched off. Seriously, we mean that last one.
However, putting all our faith in a man who looks like an insomniac Henry from Neighbours in the latter stages of a hunger strike can’t be a good sign. If the first performances by the final 24 were any indication, the biggest star of American Idol so far this year has been Victoria Beckham. Words cannot describe what a profound disappointment that is.
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Oh dear says
Should have read to the end of the penultimate paragraph before acting.
In the office. Doh.
mcyi9jm2 says
did noone notice about Aallison Iraheta’s drunken slurring performance? I really love her but she looked pretty wasted, good car crash television!