American Idol? Ahh, Don’t Even Bother, Says Ex-Contestant!
Hands up who remembers Chris Sligh from American Idol. Anyone? No? Fine. To refresh your leaking memory he was the fat guy with the glasses, who made it through mainly because he had a moderately good sense of humour, which papered over the cracks of his rather less impressive singing voice. He looked like Jack Osbourne. He also loved Jesus. Far more, it seems, than he loves American Idol these days.
Writing on his blog, the tubby singer thought it high time he put paid to this ridiculous notion that a talent show will reap any kind of reward, as he ripped into a tirade of startlingly obvious home truths, telling future contestants what it’s really like when the spotlight fades.
“You are going to struggle. No one will care about you.”
Such comments will obviously serve as an almighty punch in the underpants to the hundreds of small town inbreds who intend on embarking on the annual pilgrimage to be scoffed at by Simon Cowell, or called “dog” by Randy Jackson. But to most of the rest of the world, it’s all really quite obvious.
Sligh, to further remind you, was one of the unfortunates who faded under the Jordin Sparks sunbeam during the sixth season of the show, and regardless of the hopeless nature of his failure to win, he claims to be one of the most successful entrants from that particular installment. He is now a full time musician/singer. Yet, even so, the bitter rage still spews forth like molten rocks spluttered from a dragon’s sneezing nose.
“You’re not going to be successful. You’re not going to be millionaires.”
He continues to say:
“They’re not going to buy your album.”
A hunch suggests that Sligh’s big fat slice of truth pie won’t stop anyone from giving it a go for season eight, or nine, or twelve, or whatever it is. Mainly because his observations were near pointless, as even a brain damaged dog could tell you that once these things finish, only the smallest handful of hopefuls will ever be heard from again. In fact, even the winners can fall pretty flat once released from the shackles of a weekly sing-off. Taylor Hicks won the thing, then his output totally failed to float anyone’s onions. It is, in short, a lottery.
Suggestions for Chris’ next tirade include: “Has anyone else noticed that Starbucks sell coffee?” Or “Isn’t it WEIRD that Superman wears underpants OUTSIDE his trousers? What is THAT about?”
Perhaps to shed a little more light on Chris’ unfortunate demise, here’s a clip of the big man in action…
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Oh well Mr. Hecklerspray or whatever your name is…that was kind of an unnescessary kick in Chris Sligh’s testicles. Alright, let’s look at the charges you present here…Chris Sligh is “fat.” Well, Lank Handsome, I don’t know if you have looked in the mirror either lately, Prince Charming, but neither one of us will be dating Megan Fox anytime soon, so let’s leave the picking on fat people to Simon Cowell, and Eminem.
Ok here is the second charge which you present in your column. Chris Sligh “loves Jesus.” Ok, well who doesn’t love Jesus. Jesus loves you. Why don’t you love him? Jesus is a nice guy. I mean come on now. That was a cheap shot.
Ok, let us now examine the 3rd leg of criticisms which you have used to build your supper table of vitriole. Chris Sligh makes “pointless” or obvious observations. Well, maybe they are obvious to you, Buster, but to the majority of us Americans who still don’t know what the hell they are doing they are obviously not so obvious or we wouldn’t be serving Burger King whoppers for a living to the likes of you!
Fourthly, I apologize for going on and on like a Kanye West speech at the VMA’s but I only have one more thing to say. President Barack Obama and new American Idol judge Ellen Degeneres have joined forces to put an end to rudeness, meanness, nastiness, and just all around stinky behavior. See here:
http://jviz.blogspot.com/2009/09/obama-american-idol-megan-fox-michael.html or
hereObama Supports Mandate (maybe) but opposes rudeness, American Idol feud (Ellen vs. Simon), Megan Fox wears a bag, Michael Jackson’s new movie, Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face”, (also “Big Man Japan” movie review)
So, I would be careful there Mr. Josh Bart. The times they are a-changing.
Consider me well and truly put in my place Jimmy Fungus. But just as a matter of defending myself slightly here, I was not CHARGING Chris Sligh with being “fat” or “loving Jesus” – those are simply the facts. He is fat. He does love Jesus. You can read into them what you will, as I see you have… the rest of your observations were decent points, well made. Thanks for the comment.
You’re welcome. God bless you, and keep on truckin’!
Please Jimmy,
Whatever that substance is your are smoking – please send it my way….
Its obvious that you have maybe burned 1 too many braincells.
For the record, the HEIGHT of rudeness is when you inform someone that you do not care about their opinion and their MANDATE is more important than what the vast MAJORITY OF PEOPLE WANT. As in the 65% of people WHO DO NOT WANT OBAMACARE
Rudeness = Obama
Take your mandates and shove em.
Really Josh, Jimmy makes good points?
This summer Obama had his friends in the media call anyone who did not support his healthcare plan “Un-American”, “Nazi” and “Racists” all because they choose to exercise their 1st Amendment rights.
These friends are also recipents of bail-out money.
NBC/GE = 10 Billion
NY Times = 2 Billion
ABC = 120 Million in advertising alone, for Obama’s Healthcare Day.
A little more investigation on the Fungus’s part may, may be in order.
But the Magic Obama is going to end “rudeness”, great. Then can he instruct those around him to STOP calling people Nazi’s????
Just sayin.
Chris Sligh isn’t telling us anything we don’t know. We know its rigged, we know he ’s chubby and loves Jesus. C’mon
Halo actually, the article I linked to in my comment was critical of Obama for being willing to break one of his campaign promises regarding the insurance mandate, not praising him. However, thank you for caring.
You know what, this Sligh-guy isn’t too bad. Nice song there mate. I’m skinny and I don’t love Jesus persay, although I do admire him. I still can’t write or sing a song worth a shite next to Sligh but I am very good looking. Maybe I can get a record deal!
cool…. this is the closet to politacal debate i’ve ever seen on
heckler.
allow me to contribute with all i know about politics
errr… tories are rich ugly scum
labour are middle class ugly scum
and the lib dems don’t really exsist
that’s exhausted my political knowledge so i’ll leave it there, except to say that jesus may love me but i’m straight so while i’m flattered by his advances i’m not really interested….if he has a sister though?
Wait, what? How did an article on American Idol lead to ‘Mmmmmmnuuuuurgh! We no want free doctors! Free doctors baaaaaad! Duuuuuur!’. Idiots.
Enough people die on waiting lists in the UK waiting for care. That’s why the UK’s cancer mortality rate SUCKS. I’m talking breast cancer, prostate cancer, lung cancer and brain cancer.
I would know too, my best friend lived emigrated to the UK years ago, was diagnosed with breast cancer, and was informed that she had to wait 6 MONTHS for a MAMMOGRAM. Of course, Russell Brand may not know that. Since he IS tits, but doesn’t have any.
Yes all political parties are crapfests. They are. Period.
Its the part where ELECTED officials REFUSE to listen.
Sort of like the Labour’s WASTING UK TAXPAYERS MONEY THROUGH PORNO ACCOUNTS.
However; 2 things remain true.
There is no such thing as a “free lunch”
There is no such thing as “free medical care/doctors”
I’m sorry, as you appear to be a Yank opposed to universal healthcare, what my brain processes when I read your words is: ‘Mmmmmmnuuuuurgh! We no want free doctors! Free doctors baaaaaad! Duuuuuur!’ Because you’re a fucking idiot.
Taylor Hicks seems to be doing quite well. He’s been touring with Grease to excellent reviews, and doing shadow tours on the side. He’s made a lot of new fans, and his video of 7-mile Breakdown is extremely popular. I understand he received offers for other acting jobs, also. I have heard that his first album with 19 Entertainment didn’t do as well as anticipated (only 850,000 ww) because two groups of his AI fans didn’t buy his album – the 25 yr. olds and under who looked upon Taylor as a popular contestant only but were not interested in purchasing his kind of music. The second and largest group were people past 60 who, for the most part, buy only albums that invoke past memories, such as Time/Life or PBS.
Yes, I remember Chris Sligh. Very talented with a dry sense of humor. I wish him the best of luck in his career and life.