American Idol: Adam Lambert Is A Good Swimmer Or Something
Guess what happened on American Idol last night. Everyone sang songs. And Adam Lambert sang the best song. Shocking.
Oh, wait. No. We meant massively predictable. But still, even though we all know who’s going to win American Idol but still have to suffer through everyone else lumbering cluelessly through songs they’ve clearly never heard before, at least the judges can mix things up.
During last night’s American Idol Ratpack Night, Paula Abdul told Adam Lambert that he was ‘Michael Phelps‘. Or an ‘eyeball whelk’. Or ‘my heel yelps’. Honestly, who knows what that bloody woman was babbling on about.
After a few weeks of dangerous experimentation – yes, for American Idol two Bryan Adams songs in an hour does constitute dangerous experimentation – American Idol was back in familiar territory last night with its annual Ratpack night. You know, the night where the remaining American Idol contestants are schooled in old-fashioned power and charm by a twinkly veteran like Tony Bennett.
Well, replace ‘Tony Bennett’ with ‘Jamie Foxx‘, ‘old-fashioned power and charm’ with ‘just being thankful that they were getting to spend some time within touching distance of the superstar Jamie Foxx’ and ‘twinkly veteran’ with ‘objectionable bellend’ and that’s exactly what last night’s American Idol was like.
Oh, we’re being too harsh on Jamie Foxx. After all, he once starred in a film that was set in roughly the same time period as when the Ratpack were alive, so he’s clearly an expert. Also if any of the American Idol contestants wanted to learn how to desperately try to distance themselves from offensive comments they made about a child, mentors don’t come any more experienced than Jamie Foxx.
But anyway, onto last night’s American Idol performances. Danny Gokey was told he was better than usual because he didn’t blink as much (or something), Allison Iraheta was told that she was a laser-eyed robot programmed to destroy humanity (or something), Kris Allen was told that he was a dark horse because he can crap and walk at the same time and often lets Irish midgets ride around on his back in his leisure time (or something) and Matt Giraud was told that he was rubbish (he was rubbish).
And then there’s Adam Lambert, the obvious winner of American Idol, who last night performed Feeling Good in such a preposterously gay way that we were half expecting to see a chorus line of kittens dressed as the cast of Sex And The City get shot out of a glitter cannon at the midway point. Following his performance, Paula Abdul told Adam Lambert:
“It’s like watching the Olympics and you’re our Michael Phelps.”
Let’s hope for all of our sakes that Paula Abdul is right here. Not because it’d be an outrage if Adam Lambert and his abundance of talent didn’t end up winning American Idol, but because we’re quite looking forward to the time when Adam Lambert gets photographed smoking drugs at a rubbish house party and isn’t allowed to endorse breakfast cereal any more. And that’s the only reason. What of it?
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I’ve not been watching this year.
Is it cause he looks like the fourth Jonas Brother?
Not that I know how may there are.
Great article!
Honest, objective and funny haha u made my day!
You’ve managed to see the humour without being insulting.
I love Adam’s performance by the way
Can it be any more obvious that the fix is in for Glambert? Week after week, he’s slotted in the coveted last or second-last position–he’s never in the dreaded first timeslot. The judges gush superlatives over every over-the-top drama queen move he makes, while ignoring his glaring faults. He gets his choreographed entrances on the grand illuminated staircase, special lighting, special graphics, a fog machine, and damned near every other effect Fox can conjure up to make him look like he’s starring in a Hollywood blockbuster.
Gokey and others are “karaoke?” Might help if the producers gave them lighting and production values better than you’d expect to see in a karaoke bar…
Every idol gets to perform with anything they ask for. They just do not have the imagination to put it together with anything but a micophone. They need more background in music. Adam has it all and knows what he needs to do. Staging is a big thing my son is in a band and it takes lots of time to figue what to do to look good doing a song. Adam asked and he received.
SHAR: “Adam asked and he received”.
Yeah I’ve seen those photos, too.
Titter.
Hey Ted: You obviously haven’t done your research, Adam done all his chorographing,lighting, entrances, stratigizing songs, everything came from his brilliant mind down to the last detail. The producers “let him embrace his theatrecality” as Adam has so gratefully stated and as it turned out his uniqueness and style. The others had the same opportunity but they were more like karoke singers and didn’t spend the time, effort on anything creative just walked on stage and (sang?). Adam did a brilliant job and spent more time on details and really poured his heart into it, this was not the producers! Each contestant could have did anything they creatively wanted but failed to do it.
Adam’s career’s in the bag. Why someone didn’t sign him up a long time ago…I have no idea. Adam’s trained in musical theatre, his performances are obviously going to be choreographed better but I don’t really notice to be honest because of his amazing vocals..and because my eyes are always fixed on him…
Actually, I think Adam is a cartoon character or a robot who has been programmed to perform. He is alittle creepy.
Adam is hot!! Gay, straight, bi, who cares! He is an awesome singer/entertainer. I want more, more, more of him!!!
I am addicted to Adams songs. Every week I listen to Adam’s new song of the week and replay it over until I can no longer stay up.
I should be doing my exercise but have decided to listen to his songs during my spare time.
He is superb!
Margin in Montreal
Adam was 4th tonight and Matt had to leave. I’m a bit shocked because I thought Adam was up in the top two, the other being Kris. I think I better vote next week. I want Adam to win.
Homophobia stopped Adam Lambert in his tracks last nite, setting up for another Jennifer Hudson-style finish at American Idol.
The losers continue to win.
Had AI been around in the 60’s, Freddie Mercury (let alone Queen!) would never even have qualified to stand in front of the tight-assed Cowell or alongside macho host Ryan Seacrest.
Get ready for another compromise winner – it’ll be an Okie-from-Muskokie Gokey finish in a couple of weeks!
people need to get over their homophobia-being gay is GENETIC not a choice!!!!!!!!!! we need to change cultural attitudes that men must always act masculine & women feminine-everyone should just be who they are. his “gayness” as u say in no way diminishes his talent.
adam is loved worlwide-just read the blogs! yes his performance was theatrical but thats what made it entertaining. his talent is undeniable. i think people just assumed he was safe or indeed, homophobia took over. whocares-the guy is amazing. vote next week guys!!!!!
Well….I honestly think that Adam Lambert is probably the best singer to have ever graced the American Idol Stage. He is full of talent in every aspect. I just can not seem to stop watching his performances. Amazing is the only word to describe him. I can not wait to see more of him. I just hope he stays around for the finish. He definately deserves to…
I’m not sure what happened. I know I was really disappointed. I thought as well as everyone in my family, and that is 7 different states; that his performance was the best one. My father who was around when the Rat Pack performed in Vegas just loved his song. My dad said he was the only one who got the attitude right. My dad said these kids today don’t know how to get into the theme of things. Well my dad ate crow after Adam sauntered down the stairs. He said in those days men were kings and if they wanted something they took it. But in order to get it you had to act like you could get it. That’s exactly what the kid did. He walked in and said I want this title and he is in a fight to get it. What is homophobic about that? What are they going to do to win it? Send out little Kris with his I’m standing still strumming my guitar singing quietly so everyone has to shut up so they can hear me? Or send in Danny Gokey who will girate clumsily and try to stop him with his 29 pairs of glasses? Oh I suppose the feminist will try their Allison is the only hope as she is the lone female left bid. Yeah. The pink haird mumbler to the rescue. The only competition Adam seems to have is himself. People have set the bar so high up for this kid that anything else less than full blown rock star and they are like yeah or Oh yeah I expected that he doesn’t surprise me anymore. Really? Like how many really talented singers do you know who can effortlessly go from chest voice to head voice without skipping a beat? Or can hold a strong note for 15 seconds in any key? His Passaggio is dead on. His stage prescence is dead on. You hear it over and over and over again in blogs the guy walks in and everyone is watching him. If I were another contestant I would want him voted off but they like him, they admire him. In an interview on Idol Extra they said he was the camp counselor and a genuine nice guy. Blogs are coming in from all over the world on this guy singing his praises. I really do hope he wins and I hope as another blogger has written that the homophobia takes over and he looses. That would be a shame.
You meant to say on the bottom…You hope he wins. You hope as the other blogger had written about the homophobia that it doesn’t take over and that he wins. Right? Just making sure. It would make me mad if he lost. That would be a shame. I know that Allison won $60K in a singing contest two years ago. I heard that Matt has his own CD out all ready with songs he did himself. I heard that Kris Allen writes his own songs and plays music on all of his missionary work. I know that Danny Gokey does the choir and is in Christian singing contests every year. So why is there all the hate for Adam working in Theater? Do they also hate him for working in clothing stores where he folded jeans and helped customers?
he is the most incredible performer that has graced american idol….and there’s no denying that…he is the most loved , most talked-about, most admired and i bet a few haters out there too…but you know what, that’s the price of success.. that means people are really noticing him….GO ADAM!!! YOU HAVE FANS EVERYWHERE AND WE’RE ROOTING FOR YOU!
And also Ted: The contestant that gets the most votes always gets to sing last the following week, maybe you haven’t watched Idol a lot.You may have noticed when Gokey was sent home, Adam was actually below Kris in votes that week so the next week Adam had to perform first (This only happened once, I believe.)