Oh American Idol, shame on you – you know as well as anyone that people only watch you for one reason.
To laugh at Adam Lambert. The only reason anyone watches American Idol is to see Adam Lambert wailing like a ghost being goosed by a theremin independent of whatever backing track someone was foolish enough to give him. And what did you do last night, American Idol? That’s right, you made him sing a recognisable song quite well.
Honestly American Idol, count yourself lucky that you dressed the blind kid up in clown trousers last night. That’s all we’re saying.
Because American Idol is a reality TV show, two things matter more than anything. First is the delicious, thirst-busting taste of Coca Cola – the world’s favourite carbonated beverage. Second is The Journey.
American Idol knows that viewers will get behind the contestants who have been on the biggest journey. That’s why Jorge Nuñez and Alexis Grace have already been eliminated from American Idol - either that or because Jorge Nuñez’s ferocious monobrow actually threw viewers into terrifying fits of shivering insomnia – and it’s why, God love him, Adam Lambert looks set to win at the moment.
This wasn’t always the case, of course – on last week’s American Idol, tasked with covering Ring Of Fire, Adam Lambert decided to perform a sort of free jazz interpretation of the song that made him sound a bit like a predatory, boozed-up snake charmer having a sex act performed on him while he simultaneously toppled off the edge of a cliff. It wasn’t as good as we’ve just made it sound, by the way.
But anyway, on last night’s American Idol Motown show, Adam Lambert stripped it all back. There was no black nail polish. There was no Bad Spider-Man haircut. And, for once, he didn’t even look like your dad that time his mid-life crisis kicked in and he tried to sneak onto the set of The Crow. Instead, hair slicked back and dressed in a suit, Adam Lambert performed a cover of Smokey Robinson‘s Tracks Of My Tears so well that even Smokey Robinson gave him a standing ovation. Reuters reports:
Kara DioGuardi stood up herself and called it “one of the best performances of the night.” Cowell himself went so far as to say it was the night’s best performance… [Lambert] sang his Motown song with a restraint that cunningly played down the soaring crescendos of Robinson’s composition.
Our point is – what the hell’s going on? Nobody watches American Idol to see musical competency. They watch it to back the most bizarre, one-dimensional novelty act they can find and then desert them the instant they’ve won American Idol so that they clumsily flounder back to obscurity in full view of the public. It’s what happened with Taylor Hicks, and it’s what was supposed to happen with Adam Lambert. And now he’s ruined it by mostly singing an entire song in tune. He’s RUINED it!
That’s why we’re now officially pinning our American Idol hopes on Scott MacIntyre. Scott, you might not be able to sing very well, but your blindness means that the American Idol wardrobe department can make you wear bright pink skintight trousers without you even knowing, and for this reason you must win.
This goes double, by the way, if someone makes you wear a shirt with the phrase ‘blind idiot’ scrawled across the front on tonight’s show. It seems like the natural progression, that’s all.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
adam lambert fan here! I love adam lambert and his recent performance of Tracks of my Tears was absolutely amazing. He even got a standing ovation and thumbs up from the legend Smokey Robinson himself!
That guy looks like a douche!
I LOVED Adam’s old haircut and thinks he looks like a dolled-up pretty boy with his new one!!! Go back to the way we all first loved you Adam!!! : (
The author is so arrogant and superficial that my “wild” guess is that he is under 25. I studied music for years and if there is one thing that cannot be denied about Adam is his WIDE vocal range and the fact that he is Always in tune. Add that to his wild charisma, showmanship, dance, creativity, style, and hot looks and you get a real talent. My mom calls him the new Elvis…
So, people behind this programme would say, “We should ‘use’ another gay in the next edition, to attract audiences as many as possible, and get all the money for and from this show…hmmm..”
You are a low life POS, that has no clue about life or music.
This guy is hands down the BEST singer the show has ever had. If you actually take the time to listen instead of look at Adam, you will hear such a talent that if Axl Rose needed to be replaced, this dude could step in and hit all the notes Axl did in his prime before he lost his voice.
Its sad that you actually cant hear this, and you make fun of a show that has produced Grammy winners as a Novelty or being rigged or setup in some fashion. When the only thing that needs to be fixed is you so you cant reproduce
You’re a loser and don’t know talent if it kicked you in the face.
@Stuart: How much are they paying you to write nonsense ?
I liked how Adam Lambert sang Tracks Of My Tears. I thought he looked handsome too. He is a very talented singer.