The other day, my friend Simone posted a link on my Facebook wall about how Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp mere days after his mother died. She was like “Bitch is savage af”, to which I agreed and intended to make a post about. I mean, what kind of bitch files for divorce less than a week after their husband’s mom dies?
A bitch who isn’t a bitch, but apparently a victim of domestic violence, that’s who. Today, Amber Heard emerged from a courtroom with a beaten up face as a judge granted her request for a restraining order against Johnny Depp after she filed domestic abuse charges against him.
As of right now, it seems like not only is Johnny Depp a fading Hollywood heart throb who might genuinely believe he has become Jack Sparrow what with the gold teeth and puffy shirts and all, but he might also be a real piece of shit who beats on his sexy young wife who really should have just stayed with her sexy girlfriend, because the world was a happier place for everyone when Amber Heard was a lesbian.
In her court filings, she claimed that last Saturday Depp hit her with a cell phone, pulled her hair and screamed at her. She also alleged that he was abusive throughout their entire 15-month marriage which is why she bailed. All of us who judged Amber as a mega, gold-digging bitch with a heart made of ice for dumping Johnny a couple of days after his mom died sure look like assholes now, hey?
In her court filing, Amber says that Johnny was verbally and physically aggressive towards her during their entire message, but I guess him going all Naomi Campbell on her by chucking a cell phone at her face was the last straw. She went and filed the police report after that and they took pics of her cell phone beaten face:
Here’s the thing about a lot of these major hunks from the 90s: sometimes they turn out to really fucking suck. I mean, Amber and I are the same age, born in 1986, and she probably grew up thinking he was really talented and hot like so many people in the 80s and 90s did,. Then she grows up, he proposes, and she scores her childhood crush. Too bad he turns out to be a dog smuggling, anti-oral hygiene, pirate wannabe who throws cell phones at her fucking face like he’s Latoya fucking Jackson. And look at Katie Holmes! She grew up in the 80s and 90s probably thinking Tom Cruise was the shit and figured she was mega #blessed when they started dating. But instead of fulfilling her pubescent fantasies with the dude from “Risky Business”, she got sucked into the cult of Scientology for several years and had to make that god awful “Mad Money” movie with Queen Latifah! If it weren’t for Brad Pitt, I’d assume all the major heart throbs of my youth were weird pieces of shit.
Even though the title of this blog was technically click bait that I stole from my friend Simone’s sister-in-law (or cousin-in-law, I forget), I do hope Amber will go back to dating hot ladies rather than abusive douche bag has-beens. I think she’d be much better off with a Ruby Rose rather than a Mel Gibson.
none says
Stop talking about Depp idiot.
Krysta smells like crap says
Krysta Fitzpatrick, you are a fucking media whore. You even admit the click-bait, but you also jump to conclusions by accusing someone in spite of the lack of evidence against him. Krysta Fitzpatrick, you are an irrelevant writer spewing garbage on the internet.
On another note, it looks like going straight with Johnny will be great for her, earning a pretty penny for the actress. If she did stay a lesbian, she would just keep playing roles in shitty movies. Now, she can retire VERY comfortably.
Jentoo says
Amber Heard can go back to carpet-munching. She’ll probably be happier.