After Shrek, Shrek 2, Shrek The Third, Shrek Forever After, Shrek The Halls and Shrek 4D, there clearly isn’t enough Shrek.
And that’s where Amanda Holden comes in. Apparently a musical based on Shrek is going to open in London at some point. And, because Amanda Holden has auditioned for a role, it’s apparently going to be as funny as the failed sitcom Big Top and as dramatic as that TV show about the woman who cut some people’s hair that Amanda Holden used to be in. We’ve forgotten what it was called.
And, no, we’re not going to suggest that Amanda Holden auditioned for the role of Shrek. Comparing her to a grotesque, obese green ogre with hygiene problems and zero social skills would be unfair and unkind. But, you know, if Piers Morgan isn’t doing anything, he’d probably be perfect for it.
Is it just us, or does the idea of a live Shrek musical seem like a bit of a backwards step? After all, the Shrek films managed to harness the power of computer animation, giving a simple collection of pixels more life and spirit than anybody could have ever dreamed of. And now it’s going to be recreated by some people in funny costumes running around on a wooden stage?
What’s more, there’s a chance that it’s going to be recreated by some people in funny costumes running around on a wooden stage, one of whom hasn’t been able to express a recognisable human emotion since about 2002? Yes, that sounds like a backwards step to us. Anyway, Amanda Holden from Britain’s Got Talent has apparently auditioned for the Princess Fiona role in the new Shrek musical. The Daily Mail reports:
Amanda Holden has been showing producers behind the ?10million stage musical Shrek just how much talent she's got. The actress-presenter has auditioned for the role of Princess Fiona. Amanda did an initial audition and was then recalled to sing and dance for the production team ? and by all accounts ?she played a blinder and was brilliant?, I'm told.
Great. As unkind as we’ve been about her, we’d definitely watch Amanda Holden in a Shrek musical. We’re especially looking forward to the part where Princess Fiona expresses her disgruntlement at being rescued by an ogre by pulling a rigid, constipated-looking face; and the part where Princess Fiona expresses her shame at being part-ogre by pulling a rigid, constipated-looking face, and the part where Princess Fiona realises her love for Shrek by pulling a rigid, constipated-looking face. What’s not to love?
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter