Alleged Kid Rock Rift Promotes Universal White-Trash Stereotype

An etiquette lesson from Kid Rock:

When you go to the local watering hole, be sure to ask a random couple to accompany you back to your place for further enjoyment of cheap beer and the gratuitous use of the word ‘dude’. If at some point your new homies become more loud and annoying than you, it is time to escort them out and retire to your Lazy Boy Recliner for NASCAR recaps and, yet again, more cheap beer. Your guests can be dismissed by yelling at them (again, the use of the word ‘dude’ is strongly recommended), and grabbing the female guest’s neck strangle-hold style and shoving her outside into an embankment of snow.

Yes, boys and girls, Kid Rock has once again demonstrated that long nappy hair, white undershirt tank tops and beer bellies always add up to class and propriety. How so, you ask? It seems that Kid laid the smack down on some woman that he thought was his recent ex-wife, Pamela Anderson. It’s true. And by true, we mean false. 

What really supposedly allegedly happened was that the police we called to Kid rock’s Detroit-area home last week to investigate assault allegations. Kid had invited a man and woman – who were no doubt enjoying a night on the town away from their double-wide trailer – back to his place for kicks and giggles. The woman alleges that Kid verbally abused her and took hold of her neck only to throw her out into the snow. We’re betting that getting snow up those Daisy Duke shorts we picture her wearing can’t have been pleasant.   

Shockingly, Kid Rock’s legal team adamantly denies any violent outburst. In fact, they want to take legal action against the unidentified woman, presumably to preserve Mr. Rock’s good name: 

"We will be pursuing litigation against this woman as soon as we determine her identity. [Rock] made an error in judgement … There was no assault, there was no altercation."

Further adding fuel to the salacious fire, reports suggest that this random chick we assume to be a drunk was no random drunk chick at all, but rather a long-term Kid Rock stalker. So, if she’s stalking him, we’re going to assume that she either a) finds him attractive, or b) likes his music. That’s going to lead us to further deduce that she’s blind, deaf, or both.

Police Investigate Kid Rock Assault Case - TMZ