All Blind People Furious At Movie About Some Blind People

Being blind must be horrible - as well as being constantly vulnerable, you’d never be able to experience the delight of 2 Girls 1 Cup.

What’s more, people think they can make movies about you and just get away with it. Well they can’t. The National Federation Of The Blind in America is planning to protest the release of new movie Blindness because of what it claims is its unfair portrayal of the blind.

Upset by these accusations, Miramax - the studio behind Blindness - has agreed to make some changes to the movie prior to its release. Unfortunately for the blind, these changes include the insertion of a 10-minute sequence featuring the legend ‘ALL BLIND PEOPLE ARE RUBBISH’ and the entire cast of Blindness all dancing around silently, pulling spaz faces and getting their bums out.

It’s never easy when groups you belong to are vilified in the movies. When the Jodie Foster movie Flight Plan was released it got no end of abuse from flight attendants, all furious that the movie had portrayed them in an inaccurate way.

And who can forget that time when the release of Silence Of The Lambs was met with protests by groups of psychologically-damaged transsexual murderers intent on making suits out of their victims’ skin? Talk about an unfair depiction!

And now the latest group to get its knickers in a twist over how they’re being represented by Hollywood is America’s National Federation Of The Blind. It’s angry at the forthcoming Julianne Moore movie Blindness, because it uses the concept of blindness as a Nobel Prize-winning metaphor for society’s lack of communication and the indomitable nature of the human spirit in the face of seemingly insurmountable vicissitudes. The wankers.

Marc Maurer, president of the NFB, told BBC News:

“The movie portrays blind people as monsters and I believe it to be a lie. The NFB condemns and deplores this film, which will do substantial harm to the blind of America and the world… Blind people in this film are portrayed as incompetent, filthy, vicious, and depraved. They are unable to do even the simplest things like dressing, bathing, and finding the bathroom.”

Marc Maurer only believes it to be a lie that blind people are monsters? Because, you know, we were hoping he’d be a little bit more certain about that. We believe that bumblebees carry guns, but it doesn’t neccesarily mean it’s true. Is he saying that blind people really are monsters, then? Because if they are, that’s the last time we give our seat up for one of them on the bus. Blind people can piss off if they’re monsters.

Anyway, so upset are the blind about being used as a literary device for spiritual pain thay they plan to mobilise as many protesters as possible at 75 cinemas across America when Blindness is released. That’ll be a nightmare. Think of all the dogshit.

Actually, we can understand the National Federation Of The Blind’s concern over Blindness. After all, they have a vested interest in all movies about the lack of visual perception and, even though it might not be directly about them, Blindness does give them a forum to discuss issues that affect them on a day to day basis in public.

Plus Blindness is a Julianne Moore film, so you’re almost guaranteed to see minge at one point or another, and the blind are probably pissed off about missing out as well.

Anyway, we’ve found the perfect solution to this problem that should leave everyone happy. Change the D in the title to a G. Bingo! Blingness - a movie about how wearing lots of jewellery is a metaphor for society’s lack of communication and the indomitable nature of the human spirit in the face of seemingly insurmountable vicissitudes. Nobody would complain about that, would they? Well, apart from rappers, obviously. But they seem like a nice enough bunch.