Why we’re surprised by this, we simply do not know.
It isn’t like things on the internet, or in the news media in general are reported in a straightforward, to the point and down the line fashion now, is it? So it shouldn’t be surprising to see that a story circulating about Ali Lohan – Lindsay’s sister – has brought the internets to near meltdown.
And why? Because there’s porn involved.
You can always rely on the viral nature of the internet to make a story about a 14-year-old girl auditioning for a film produced by a former porn director one of the most popular things about. Rather unsurprisingly, it’s happened today.
What happened though? Well – exactly what it says in that sentence above. Ali Lohan, sister of hecklerspray favourite Lindsay Lohan, auditioned for a movie. She wants to be famous, you see – really famous.
As it turned out, one of the producers of this film, Peter Davy, had something of a history when it came to the films he made, with his portfolio including such hits as ‘Dreams in the Forbidden Zone’, ‘Voodoo Lust: The Possession’ and the rather-more-obviously-titled but, shockingly enough, still an adult film ‘Bun Sisters 12’.
But before the world does actually implode in the apparent knowledge that an underage girl auditioned for porn to help kickstart her career of fame and fortune, like that hasn’t ever happened before, we have to point out that the movie Ali auditioned for, ‘Troll‘, is categorically not anything to do with the adult entertainment industry.
Though it does have adults involved in its creation and it is actually entertainment, so, maybe we could go with: ‘Ali Lohan entering adult entertainment industry’ as a line. Though we don’t really want to be sued that much.
No, what Ali Lohan auditioned for was a role in a low budget potential crapothon remake of an 80s fantasy film, with a lead character called Turok. And that’s about it. It’s a story that can be summed up in one or two sentences, and one that can be resolved in less than a paragraph.
Yet because it involves:
a) The internets, and
b) The mention of porn
It becomes a whirling dervish of a story, decimating all the entertainment sites and forums it comes across, leaving nothing but confused readers in its wake. It’s testament to how downright pathetic this whole thing can be sometimes.
Either that or we’re just moaning because we’ve fallen into the trap of covering the ‘story’ and feel like having something of a ‘pot kettle black’ rant.
Fortunately, we can all rest easy in the thought that Ali did indeed get the part. Unfortunately she probably won’t be taking the role, seeing as her mother, Dina Lohan, has decided she’s going to kill everyone involved in the production of it (according to TMZ, at least, ‘heads will roll’). Seriously – you make a few porn films, audition a young girl for a new movie and her mother finds out then goes mental – what has the world come to?
J says
“Internet” is not plural. There is no such thing as “the internets.”
Geeze.
– J
Ian Dransfield says
If G.W. said it, it must be true.
(Search Wikipedia)
gir says
Of all the misinformation, errors, and downright fabrication contained in every Dransfield-approved article, THAT’s the one you get worked up about?
Geeze.
Shooty* says
Where will it end? Myley Cyrus at 14… Ali Lohan at 13… Quick, where’s a famous 12 year old when you need one?
Check out the lack of sense of humour on J! You go, girl!
Joke Police says
J needs moar internets.
Gilbert Wham says
I’v seen the original Troll. I don’t recommend it unless you are really really high.
munch says
geez, i use the term internets more often than i don’t.
been away for a while. where’s stuart gone?
Stuart Heritage says
I’m back in a week and a bit – right now I’m busy writing a critically reviled TV show for Channel Four. Ian’s doing a pretty great job in my place, though. A little TOO great, actually. I’m watching you, Dransfield…
J Bollocks says
“right now I’m busy writing a critically reviled TV show for Channel Four”
and so it begins…
HS like anaerobic dysentery begins it’s evil, smelly spread though society.
Ian Dransfield says
Hello. I recommend you watch extra hard today. I have slept for two hours.
J Bollocks says
Gosh, livin’ it up are you?
“I recommend you watch extra hard today. I have slept for two hours.”
I sleep for 1/2 hour then correct for GMT and get up before I went to bed.
So, slope off you English xId, before I send my wife over to kicj your subprime hesd in…
munch says
“I sleep for 1/2 hour then correct for GMT and get up before I went to bed.
So, slope off you English xId, before I send my wife over to kicj your subprime hesd in…”
I’d advise that you stopped quoting comments directly above you. Most of us are literate and read from top to bottom anyway.
Good to know you’re still around, Stu…
Hope the show goes up on teh internetz for us non-english peepz to watch.